What I didn't know then...

I love this pic...it's after we had been married less than a month. Bryan was talking smack as usual so I attempted to teach him a lesson by attacking him with whipping cream. At least I've learned a little in the last nine years ;) What a ride we have had together.

For me, details tend to meld into the days and weeks that separate them, so for that reason I am writing all of this down. This is my journal remember :) It helps me to compare my thoughts and feelings at different stages of an event. And so I type...

A year ago, we were right in the middle of all these tests Bryan was going through to figure out what in the world his crazy body is trying to tell us. I think if you would have told me a year ago we would essentially be back where we started more than a whole year later, I'd probably have balled uncontrollably and threatened bodily harm to anyone delivering such news, so one more reason it's sometimes better not to know.

We may go back and do more tests at some point, but we pretty much know he's going to have to be all but incapacitated before we will get anywhere with doctors again, so for now, we wait, and that's okay.

As bad as I thought he was last year, it's been interesting to watch as he has continued deteriorating how we have both just kind of accepted things as a part of who and what we are and stopped fighting it so much. I still have my moments (like on Sunday) where I melt down, just wishing we could know what it is we are dealing with. We both know this isn't something that is going away--- ever--- but for me at least, there is comfort in putting a face to the monster you're asked to battle. At this point, there is very little I haven't thrown into the ring of possibility, so I don't think "it" could be any worse than what I have already imagined...I'd hope anyway... I have a very vivid imagination so I'm hopeful that's kept me covered :)

We still don't know much about the what's and the why's but we have finally figured out that the heat seems to make things worse. On days where he has been outside for any amount of time, or even in an un-airconditioned room, the pain in his arms, wrists, and hands is so severe he can barely grip a pencil let alone lift anything. He says it feels like a combination charlie horse, electric shock (and after his EMG...he would know an electric shock if he felt one), and broken bone. But it's Bryan, so of course he still works works works :) The pain moves around from month to month. His back is pretty much a constant, but lately it has been his arms and hands of all things that have given him the most trouble. It's worst in the mornings and right before bed. During the day he can work through it as long as he doesn't stop...he is his father's son :) The really good thing is that the side pain he had been having a while back is still for the most part under control with this medication. He can still feel the pressure of it, but the pain is nothing compared to what it was, so YAY!!! Hooray for modern medicine. That side pain was crippling, so it has been such a blessing he hasn't had to endure that as well.

So for now, I just keep waiting for the day when a famous doctor or hey, I'd even settle for Oprah at this point (we'd probably have more luck with Oprah now that I think about it), shows up at our front door, offering to help us get to the bottom of this.

Hey, it could happen ;)

Happy Daddy Day!

A moment to honor my favorite dads...

My Dad: It has been nine years since my dad has been around for Father's Day. He was in a coma for his last Father's day so I guess it's been more like 10. He was such a hard worker. He loved yardwork, which was not something I really loved doing as a child or young adult, but it's become a passion over the past couple of years. We would joke that he would work in a yard, make it become as beautiful as it could possibly be, and then we'd have to move because there was nothing left he could do to it. Probably why we moved every five years :) He loved making things grow and making our homes beautiful. He always "protected" his two girls by making the boys mow the lawn, but I'm proud to say I think he'd think my lawn lines were straight as I am a co-primary lawn mower for our rental, and hopefully by next year, this house. He loved music. He loved to write music, he could feel songs. I have been so long without a piano I think I've lost that a bit, but I hope in time, it's something that will come back. He had a testimony of the Savior, and loved his family very much. He would have been an amazing grandpa, and I find comfort in knowing that at some point he got to meet each of my sweet babies on the other side. It's also comforting to know that my children have him watching over them as they go through this life...in this crazy world I can use all the help I can get making sure they turn out all right!

Bryan's Dad: This is our first father's day without Dad, so it's a bit surreal. He was also a very hard worker, to the extreme sometimes. He loved to create, he loved to beautify. When we were working on this house together, and I'd be carting Asher around on my back while doing this or that, he'd call me "pioneer girl." That was my favorite compliment from him...that someone who worked as hard as he did thought I worked hard meant more to me than he ever knew. He loved his grandchildren. Even when he was hurting constantly, he made time for the kids, coming up with this project or that. One of the last things I remember them doing together was sorting a huge bucket of pens into piles of ones that worked and ones that didn't. Zerin, Liah and Aeden all helped him scribble on scrap papers testing each and every pen...there were hundreds! He had a gift with words, and a testimony that has carried through to each of his children. Those who knew him had no doubts as to his love for his Savior.

Bryan: I'm always singing Bryan's praises on here, even if he is a punk half the time ;) so bear with me as I do it again. Bryan is the kind of dad I think most dads would hope they are or can be. He LOVES being with his kids. Anything he is doing, he is always involving and including them. You would be hard pressed to find him without at least two of them when he isn't at work. He has been home for the last two weeks, and I always learn so much about being a mother by watching him be with the children. He manages his time around his family and how he can spend the most possible time with each of his sweet kids.

This last year, as he hasn't been feeling well, pretty much all the time, I have watched him master his body as he puts that pain aside to put on a happy face and play baseball, or build a treehouse, or dig a hole for a pond, or take all 4 kids on a bike ride, or a hundred other things he does with his kids each and every day. He has even helped me tackle potty training with Aeden.

He has taught our kids to pray for each other. A few weeks ago, when his turn would come around in family prayer, he would go through person by person, and thank Heavenly Father and ask for blessings on behalf of each individual in our family. Family prayer now takes twice as long as each of our kids do the same thing. I think every one of them has prayed Aeden will use the big boy potty this week because last night he finally got #2 in the potty!!! Our children know the Savior because they can see Bryan knows Him. They have faith in the power of the priesthood because they have seen and felt his priesthood blessings provide miracles and relief. They have watched him deal with physical pain most of their lives (some of them all of their lives) and are gleening from that example one way of overcoming the natural man.

When I was dating, weighing if this person was right or if that person was right, one of my biggest qualifications was what kind of father would they be? Would he be ready to give a blessing at any time, would he play with the kids when he got home from work or be too busy playing golf or reading the paper, would he be willing to help change diapers, and on and on. I admit, looking at it now, my list was fairly incomplete. But in the best-case-scenarios that I imagined in my mind, I couldn't have hoped for a better father for my children than Bryan. He's my hero :)

The Truck

This is the not quite complete story of my husband's dad's truck. It is a beautiful piece of art, as any of his siblings and mom will attest to, though I'm pretty sure at least his siblings were a bit surprised when it finally emerged from the garage after 15+ years to see that it had somehow managed to shrink a bit :)

This was the truck that Bryan's dad babied. Dad was a talented improviser, and a bit of a jerry rigger, but not when it came to this truck. The interior looks like it just came off the production line. The paint job is a one of a kind (or at least it was until everyone started copying it because it looked so flippin' awesome!). And it has all sorts of little custom detailing he did himself. It is a beautiful, beautiful piece of work.

Through a series of circumstances, and for a variety of reasons, we decided to buy it from his mom, with some hesitancy. It held memories for ALL of his siblings, but especially Andy and Dallin, so it didn't seem fair that any of us should end up with it. It was Dad's baby...and doing anything with his baby without him there...that's just hard. That has been true with most of his things as we have started the sorting and cleaning process, but especially with his beloved trucks. Luckily, Dallin and Alex have born the major burden of the cleanup projects at Mom's house up to this point, and Marne has been Mom's shoulder and rock as she has gone through the house, room by room to sort through years and years of memories. It makes me glad we'll have at least five kids to spread the love around :)

And as fun as it was to dream and hope that Mom would take the truck up as her primary source of transportation, she chose the van. I guess a truck maybe isn't her most practical option at this stage of her life, but man, would she have looked cute :).

With a little nudging (and a lot of elbow grease) from his brother, Alex, last weekend it came out of the garage. It wasn't running, so they towed it to the mechanic. It had a lot of work to be done just from sitting so long, so we weren't expecting to get it back anytime soon. So when his mom came over yesterday, acting like a giddy school girl saying it was sitting in front of the shop, ready to go, we were all very surprised! She gave Bryan a ride to pick it up. He was even in the middle of making pizza (which he loves doing) and he just left! For him, that's saying something :)

When he pulled up to the house behind the wheel of the truck, I saw something I haven't seen for a while....a big, huge smile. He told me later that he felt guilty that a "thing" had made him so happy.

Now backing up for a minute, Bryan has been missing his Dad a lot lately. A couple days ago, when he finished his bookshelves, he got up to go find his dad to show him. He caught himself before he got too far, but he's just really been missing him lately. I think, more than the truck making him happy, he felt close to Dad. And when you are missing someone so bad it aches, that is truly a gift.

Now this story wouldn't be complete without telling you about Aeden. Aeden "helped" last weekend with the whole yanking the truck from the garage adventure. His helping was mostly him screaming loudly each time it moved :) So when he saw the truck in the front yard yesterday, he dropped what he was doing and ran screaming to Bryan, "THE TRUCK! THE TRUCK!" Aeden is a pretty animated kid, but I have NEVER seen him that excited about something. It was fun for Bryan to have a partner in crime, I think. Aeden wanted to take the truck out on the town, but had to settle for a ride around the block. When he asked Daddy to go again, Bryan told him we had to pay money to get a special sticker so we could drive it. Aeden was like, "It's okay, Daddy. I'll make a gicker." Later, Andy took it for a drive around the block. When he came back, Aeden mistakingly thought Andy was taking the truck (for good) and oh, he was not going to have any of that! "You CAN'T take the guck!!!" Good thing Andy has a sense of humor with Aeden's overprotectiveness :) That night, as Alex and Danelle left, Alex jokingly told Aeden to go give the truck a kiss. Without missing a beat, he ran from the house into the 20 degree weather in his jammies, and gave the front wheel well a tender loving kiss.

At least we know it will be loved well into the next generation... :)

Bryan's Beautiful Bookshelves...

One of the long-standing jokes of our marriage is anytime we go to a store, and we see something we want but can't afford, Bryan will matter-of-factly say, "I can build that." Doesn't matter if it's a kitchenaid mixer...he can build it :)

So, when we first started talking about what we wanted to do in this house, one of the things he wanted were built-in bookshelves in the bedroom next to the fireplace. We ran out of rooms to create his dream library, so this was to be the next best thing. Of course he said, "I could make those, easy!" Me, being the incredibly supportive wife that I am met his enthusiasm with doubt, reticence and a little "SURE you can." I know, I'm nice.

Well, 3 weeks, a few trips to lumber stores, and a lot of staining, sanding and drilling later...I'm happy to say I couldn't have been more wrong! They turned out absolutely gorgeous and I'm so proud of him! He could hardly fall asleep last night, as he was trying to decide which books to put on which shelves. This process will probably take a while...

An 11:32 p.m. post- warning - a bit mushy!!!

So, it's kind of lame when you post more than once in a day, I know. But if I keep my mind preoccupied, my body can forget it wants to put my insides on the outside :)

So I'm kind of glad I've been sick. No, really. I have gotten a little desensitized to Bryan's health issues lately, so it has been so good for me to gain a little perspective, and realize how much he does day in and day out, whether he feels good or not. He is my rock, and I've said it before, but I seriously don't know how I got so blessed. He can make me laugh so hard my cheeks hurt. He can make me cry he does the most sweetest amazingly thoughtful things. He is the most awesome example to me and my children. He is smart. He is humble. He has the most beautiful eyes, and a tender heart. He has more education than most, but never flaunts his knowledge. He loves to read, which makes my kids love to read. He loves all kids. He adores our children. His priorities are always straight. He works 2 jobs so I can stay home with our kids. He tells me every day the only thing he wants to do is whatever I want him to do.

He hates it when I write about him, but since he has admitted that he doesn't read blogs much any more, I think I'm safe.

Through no fault of my own, I really did marry the perfect man.

Just a quick note...

We heard from Dr. Oka a couple days ago, and it looks like we may be back to square one...again :) The blood tests came back "inconclusive"---I don't know if that means negative or really confusing. His one doctor wanted a couple days to pour over his medical books and Bryan's chart, and then he'll go from there. I think I jinxed us, being so sure it was lupus. I'm secretly (well, I'm writing it on a blog...that's not such a big secret now is it hahaha) hoping that they come back and say it really is lupus, but I don't know how likely that is.

Blessings...

Blessings come in so many forms, I feel like I've been getting a lot of experience in recognizing them lately :)

As many of you know, Bryan has been undergoing tons and tons of tests to try to figure out what is wrong. The last two weeks, he has gotten much worse, and hasn't been sleeping more than a couple hours a night. Last week, his doctor told us that one of his tests showed some problem spots...one in his knee and one in his stirnum, not relating to his other issues. Because of those, they had to switch gears and figure out what those were. Bryan told him no, and just to focus on the problem at hand. The doctor then told him that he really didn't have a choice...throwing out names like "osteoblastic lesions" and other such jargon. When Bryan's blank stares continued, he stopped and said, "cancer." The world as I knew it stopped.

So we waited, wondered and prayed for the next few days. I had thought that any answer, no matter what it was, would be welcome, but hearing those words literally changed my life. The second set of tests came back inconclusive, and at that point, the fear kicked in and I was sure he had it. I couldn't do anything but sit and check my blog over and over and over again...check my email over and over and over again...longing for distractions to keep me from thinking about my biggest fear of all.

Anyways, yesterday, the doctor called, and said it is NOT cancer, and I cannot even describe my joy. I am kind of mad at myself that it takes facing the potential of losing my husband to put certain things in perspective, but better late than never, ay :)

One of those perspectives came as I was sitting in fast and testimony meeting listening to the different testimonies this past Sunday. As I listened to different people recount trials and adversities and how the Lord had blessed them through those trials, I had an overwhelming realization that God truly does bless us all in our varying degrees of difficulty...and each are equally important to him. I realized that of all the people that got up to speak, probably twice that many more are sitting in the congregation or at home suffering in silence. You never know what people are going through behind their doors and their smiles. I left feeling a greater love of my fellow man, and that I needed to do a better job of getting outside of myself so that I can be more in tune with the Spirit to meet those needs I might not otherwise know about. It was a very powerful experience...one I hope I don't forget.

More reason to hope

Yesterday, one of Bryan's doctors, Dr. Oka, gave us some reasons to be hopeful... he and his other doctor have localized the problem they think (his back) and they are narrowing the cause(s). Even though what they think the problem is isn't exactly good news, I am just happy. I have said lately, that even if it was not good news, I just want them to figure it out to give Bryan some validation, and maybe an opportunity to better manage his problem so he can avoid some of these symptoms. I guess this is heaven's way of seeing if I meant that :)

Bryan is not ready to fully allow himself to hope they have figured it out yet, but I can tell it gave him a huge boost to know that not only does Dr. Oka believe him about his pain and other problems, he genuinely cares and wants to get to the bottom of things, as does Dr. Sadler. He will go in for a bone scan tomorrow at the hospital, and then next week sometime we should know for sure, so we'll keep you posted.

Another Update

1. Zerin survived his first day of first grade...so did Mom..only a couple few tears. Liah probably had the hardest time, but pretended not to care...you know how she is :)

2. Bryan is still sick. The intensity is different day to day, but I have noticed it seems to take a much bigger toll now that he's back to work. I get a headache and I duck and cover not wanting to face my life. I am beyond comprehending how he manages every day to do what he does with his attitude. He rocks :) P.S. He gave an awesome talk yesterday at church. He had me fooled, telling me it just "wasn't coming together." Next thing I know....wow! He's amazing...there's no getting around it.

3. So there is this guy, sitting in some office, somewhere, who needs to sign some paper. Doesn't need to make any decisions, use any brain power, or anything. Just needs to flex a couple of muscles to grip a pen and sign his little John Hancock so we can close. The funny thing: with everything else we have had to wait on...this incredibly strenuous activity has taken him since last Friday...so far! Gotta love him...whoever he is...if he even exists. If he does his stuff, we are closing tomorrow night. Pray for him :)

4. The excavator is coming to dig the hole on Thursday for the addition. Once again, pray for the guy with the pen.

5. We love our contractor. There are good people, there are wonderful people, and then there is Paul :)

The results are in....

You would think in the age of modern medicine that we live in that when someone is in crippling pain something would show up. Nope :) Time to invest in a 2nd heating pad and buy stock in Advil.

I found out today that our appraisal came in right where we needed it to. The good news is it came in right where we needed it to. The in-between good news is that we don't really have a buffer to leave the basement or bedrooms unfinished like we were hoping to save money, but hey, we'll have a whole house :)

Bryan's tests are all done, so we are now just waiting.

That's all folks....

A Little Apprehension, Anticipation, and Anxiety...

Tomorrow Bryan gets to go to LDS Hospital to get CT scans, x-rays, ultrasounds and who knows what else to try and pinpoint exactly what is causing all of his pain. The doctor is now thinking it has something to do with his spinal cord, or his gallbladder (funny combination!). I am anxious about it, just because I really want to believe that they are going to figure it out, and that it will be an easy fix. However, my gut tells me they either won't know (again) or it will end up being something (like his back) that they can't do anything about. Either way, we won't know anything until the end of the week when he meets with this doctor.

All I Want for Christmas...

Tomorrow, Bryan is going to one last doctor. I am not expecting a cure at this point, I am just hoping for some answers as to what he is dealing with. Don't get me wrong, if he fixes Bryan, I will be the first one to do the Toyota jump in the doctor's office, but wellness doesn't seem to be in our cards right now, and that's just fine. Plenty of people have it SO much worse, I know I have no room for complaint.

On that note, Bryan was telling Zerin last night that we are hoping to be in our new house by Christmas (I am hoping sooner). They talked about that for a minute, then the conversation went something like this:

Zerin: "Can I ask Santa for anything I want for Christmas?"

Bryan: "Yes, but Santa gets to pick, and you might not get everything you ask for."

Zerin: "If I tell him I don't want any toys can he make you better? That's all I want for Christmas this year."

Bryan: - Silence -

Maybe we'll write our letters to Santa today :)

My Perfect 2-Day Date!

I just had the best date EVER!!!! So to explain I have to tell you about my AMAZING friend...okay, I have lots of amazing friends (you know who you are!), but I am going to tell you about one amazing friend in particular. When you hear the phrase, "anxiously engaged in a good cause" that's her life mantra. She is always doing stuff for other people, both in and out of her family. She took my kids for days on end when I was up in Logan so much last year. She is always smiling, and to top it all off, she is as sweet as they come. My secret wish is to job shadow her one day to see how she does it...I just think she's awesome.

So anyways, she "forced" me to let her take my children overnight so Bryan and I could have a date...OVERNIGHT! I know...she's crazy. I am not a sleepover person, I am pretty much totally against my kids ever having sleepovers other than with family for more than one reason, but she feels like family so I "just this once"-ed it :) She even talked me into keeping Asher (SOMEHOW...she got him to take a bottle...no idea how, but she did!) They had the cutest family night with all the kids and wrote letters to the missionaries serving in our ward...again...amazing. She almost talked Aeden into being potty-trained...but not quite :) My kids always come home happier and cuter than when I leave them with her and her family, so that helps with my separation anxiety I get when I have to leave them.

Our "date" started off with Bryan and I enjoying a blissfully quiet lunch together...we carried on an entire conversation without interruption! Then we went shopping together...do you know how many stores you can hit in an hour when you aren't dealing with 4 carseats??? Then we came home and took a break and had dinner, and went to see Indiana Jones 4. It was a little on the cheesy side, but it's Indiana Jones...who cares? It was so much fun! I can't remember the last movie I went to where I didn't miss at least half of it because of taking kids out.

I started missing the kids pretty bad about the time we were driving home from the movie. I had to leave a bottle in her door for Asher, so I listened closely for any little wimper so I'd have an excuse to bring them home, but it was totally quiet and peaceful...how does she do it???

This morning, I got to go to the temple before we had to pick up the kids. Bryan was so cute and washed all my stuff and ironed it late last night for me so I could be ready to go this morning. He even woke me up on time (I know, I'm 13.). I am a little ashamed to admit it's been over 8 months since I've been to the temple and probably at least a year since I have done a session. Back in the day I'd go once a week, but that hardly seems possible now. I won't make excuses...but we'll talk about my guilt complex and why I hate asking people to babysit some other time :) I even got to sit next to a good friend during the session. It was peaceful and wonderful and just exactly what I needed.

To top it all off, I picked up my kids, and they were all happy, dressed, and didn't throw a 20 minute temper tantrum when it was time to leave. The perfect day....

Not Really Sure What To Call This One...

I was looking at the calendar, and I realized that not only is it Asher's 7 month birthday, but it has also been 8 years and 1 month since my dad died. I love this picture of him and me...he had some seriously hot sideburns :) I sometimes have little tinges of sadness when I think about what kind of a grandpa he would have been, how he and Bryan would have gotten along, and just how things in my family may have been very different if he were still here.

Thinking about my dad then led me to think about Bryan. I have wondered a lot lately what I would do if say he were all of the sudden to be gone. I even went so far as to plan out my career (I think I'll open a flower shop!). It's definately not something I enjoy thinking about and hopefully, I won't have to solidify those career plans :) I like to think that I am a pretty independant tough chica, but the truth of it is that I am pretty pathetic without him.

For example, today he was feeling yucky, so I ventured off to church alone. No biggie...done it before. Things were fine, until the organ stopped playing and the meeting started...then the fun began. Aeden always sits on Bryan's lap during Sacrament Meeting, but when he's not there, it's kind of a free for all. He was up, he was down, he was happy, he was sad, but most importantly, he was loud. Liah and Zerin were okay, but they picked up on the aura of pandemonium and started messing with each other. My friend took Asher so I could anchor Aeden to the pew, but after 15 minutes of this circus performance, I (and probably everyone else in the meeting) had had enough, and we all went and sat in the hall. I was a pillar of parental perfection today, let me tell you what :) It has to be good for Bryan's self-esteem to know that the world comes crashing down around everyone else when he's not around.

Parades and Reunions...

We got to the Church for the Primary Parade and they asked Bryan to lead the pack. Liah and Zerin were right there at the front next to their dad...so proud! This was only Liah's 2nd official real road bike ride. Whatta girl. Bryan was beaming...like father like son :) Bryan's Dad in the Bountiful Parade with Andy and Bryan.

Some of the older kids flew ahead in front of cars and across streets against professional advice, but luckily guardian angels were on their toes that day :) Aeden didn't want to miss a thing, and even though he was going about a yard an hour, he just kept plugging along...

...until he saw THIS!

Then the older kids all came back and it was time for popcicles...good times.

Then a little later we made our way to Wanship for our Annual Hugie Family Reunion. My dad comes from a family of 9 kids, so even though not everyone can come, it's always a huge group. One of the highlights is the raffle. Everybody brings good, random or crappy things and they raffle them off. Zerin is INTO the raffle. In fact, he has been looking forward to this reunion, asking about it every morning when he wakes up just so he could be on his game for it. When the giant tub of cheeto balls was up for grabs, I've never seen him so attentive...carefully studying the numbers on his tickets...hilarious :) This year's winnings for our family include a fan necklace for Liah, Phase 10 for Zerin, and a broken electronic poker game for Aeden. Some of the kids even ventured over to feed the one-eyed horse. I was more than relieved Aeden didn't lose a hand since all the grass he was giving the horse was stuck tight in his fist :) Liah became best friends with her new cousin, Hailey (black dress) and her cousin Jade (pink dress). They followed each other everywhere. When it was time to eat and we called them to dinner, they looked at each other and said...

"We can't! We're FRIENDS!" Okay then...I can't exactly argue with that now can I :)

Ode to doctors

Roses are red...
Violets are blue.
When you have an owie,
What do you do?
Why go to the doctor,
Cuz they know their stuff.
They do lots of tests
That sometimes are rough.
The visit with Doc
Takes a minute or two...
Not all of your symptoms
Can he even get through.
Then he gives you more pills
Tells you your pain to ignore
Then makes one more appointment
Just to be sure.
I wish that instead of this annoying arrangment
You could transfer your pain to him just for the visit.
Then he'd know what organ was exploding within you
For he'd feel it with piercing exactness and ferver.
It would be super because follow up visits
I'm guessing would be in a matter of minutes!

(PS...for those of my friends who are in this profession, I still love ya! :))

So let it begin...

Today Bryan gets to go to the doctor!!!! Now I'm sure you are thinking, "is that a good thing?" Well let me tell you what, for me, YES (I doubt Bryan is as enthusiastic as I am). For the past 3+ years he has been having some problems, but lately it has been especially bad and painful. He has been so good to just try and work through it, pretending like he feels fine, but it's getting pretty hard to do anymore. He really surprised me by going to scout camp this last week...he's way tougher than I am...that's for sure. So in 1 hour, the journey of him feeling better begins. Yea!

Is it bad???

I used to borderline get annoyed with girls that were so joined at the hip to their boyfriends or husbands that they would bemoan even a few hours of parting. Oh brother! As a child, and even single adult, I was never one to get homesick or to miss my family. I enjoyed the times when I got to be on my own or to be away. I was always glad to get back to them, but I was the one on the first day of kindergarten that never looked back.

So how did this 6'0" blue-eyed Bountiful boy change all that??? This week, we will have spent more time apart than together, and that's probably only the 3rd time in our marriage that has happened. I have had young women camps, youth conferences, trek, and family situations that have taken me away for days at a time. The nice thing is that while I was gone to those things, I was so busy, I would really miss him, but I was totally focused on my girls or family issues that I didn't have time to think about missing him.

But today marks only the 3rd time that Bryan has left, leaving me home, and can I just say I'm dying already! I have been totally spoiled lately, because he has been able to be home most of the summer working on the house with me and the children. I love our summers together. About the time January 3rd rolls around, I find myself starting to count down the days until summer when he's home...pathetic, I know. Now, the middle of July, I am starting to already dread August when he goes back to work. Wo is me :)

The fudge in my brownies...

One post is usually my limit, but I'm feeling a little nostalgic, so here we go. As a young teenager, I made a list of qualities my future husband would have to have. Things like loves kids, loves to dance, gives great hugs, makes me laugh, treats his mom and sisters like queens, likes my parents, makes me want to be better than I am, is my best friend, looks hot in a truck, etc. I am happy to report that Bryan not only met all of my requirements, but exceeded them. But my favorite thing of all is that he is the most amazing father to our children. Let me tell you one of the many reasons why.

Last night, he really didn't sleep at all. So I left with the kids this morning for Asher's doctor appointment...fully expecting and planning on him sleeping all day. But to my surprise, he was up and going when I got home, and packed the kids in the van and took them to the park. Then, our swamp cooler wasn't working, so in the 100 degree heat, he gets on the roof, with 3 of the 4 children, and fixes it (they loved that by the way). THEN...Liah's bike had a flat tire, so he goes and fixes the flat tire WITH the kids (I would maybe do that, but not with the kids...especially not with a curious george of a 2 year old!). Then the library called saying a book Zerin had put on hold had come in, so now he's packing the kids up in the van to take them to the library. And all this with little sleep and feeling gross. I always thought it was sweet yet trite when people would say they married above themselves...but it's true! I couldn't be more grateful to his parents for raising such a wonderful son.