What I didn't know then...

I love this pic...it's after we had been married less than a month. Bryan was talking smack as usual so I attempted to teach him a lesson by attacking him with whipping cream. At least I've learned a little in the last nine years ;) What a ride we have had together.

For me, details tend to meld into the days and weeks that separate them, so for that reason I am writing all of this down. This is my journal remember :) It helps me to compare my thoughts and feelings at different stages of an event. And so I type...

A year ago, we were right in the middle of all these tests Bryan was going through to figure out what in the world his crazy body is trying to tell us. I think if you would have told me a year ago we would essentially be back where we started more than a whole year later, I'd probably have balled uncontrollably and threatened bodily harm to anyone delivering such news, so one more reason it's sometimes better not to know.

We may go back and do more tests at some point, but we pretty much know he's going to have to be all but incapacitated before we will get anywhere with doctors again, so for now, we wait, and that's okay.

As bad as I thought he was last year, it's been interesting to watch as he has continued deteriorating how we have both just kind of accepted things as a part of who and what we are and stopped fighting it so much. I still have my moments (like on Sunday) where I melt down, just wishing we could know what it is we are dealing with. We both know this isn't something that is going away--- ever--- but for me at least, there is comfort in putting a face to the monster you're asked to battle. At this point, there is very little I haven't thrown into the ring of possibility, so I don't think "it" could be any worse than what I have already imagined...I'd hope anyway... I have a very vivid imagination so I'm hopeful that's kept me covered :)

We still don't know much about the what's and the why's but we have finally figured out that the heat seems to make things worse. On days where he has been outside for any amount of time, or even in an un-airconditioned room, the pain in his arms, wrists, and hands is so severe he can barely grip a pencil let alone lift anything. He says it feels like a combination charlie horse, electric shock (and after his EMG...he would know an electric shock if he felt one), and broken bone. But it's Bryan, so of course he still works works works :) The pain moves around from month to month. His back is pretty much a constant, but lately it has been his arms and hands of all things that have given him the most trouble. It's worst in the mornings and right before bed. During the day he can work through it as long as he doesn't stop...he is his father's son :) The really good thing is that the side pain he had been having a while back is still for the most part under control with this medication. He can still feel the pressure of it, but the pain is nothing compared to what it was, so YAY!!! Hooray for modern medicine. That side pain was crippling, so it has been such a blessing he hasn't had to endure that as well.

So for now, I just keep waiting for the day when a famous doctor or hey, I'd even settle for Oprah at this point (we'd probably have more luck with Oprah now that I think about it), shows up at our front door, offering to help us get to the bottom of this.

Hey, it could happen ;)