I was looking at the calendar, and I realized that not only is it Asher's 7 month birthday, but it has also been 8 years and 1 month since my dad died. I love this picture of him and me...he had some seriously hot sideburns :) I sometimes have little tinges of sadness when I think about what kind of a grandpa he would have been, how he and Bryan would have gotten along, and just how things in my family may have been very different if he were still here.
Thinking about my dad then led me to think about Bryan. I have wondered a lot lately what I would do if say he were all of the sudden to be gone. I even went so far as to plan out my career (I think I'll open a flower shop!). It's definately not something I enjoy thinking about and hopefully, I won't have to solidify those career plans :) I like to think that I am a pretty independant tough chica, but the truth of it is that I am pretty pathetic without him.
For example, today he was feeling yucky, so I ventured off to church alone. No biggie...done it before. Things were fine, until the organ stopped playing and the meeting started...then the fun began. Aeden always sits on Bryan's lap during Sacrament Meeting, but when he's not there, it's kind of a free for all. He was up, he was down, he was happy, he was sad, but most importantly, he was loud. Liah and Zerin were okay, but they picked up on the aura of pandemonium and started messing with each other. My friend took Asher so I could anchor Aeden to the pew, but after 15 minutes of this circus performance, I (and probably everyone else in the meeting) had had enough, and we all went and sat in the hall. I was a pillar of parental perfection today, let me tell you what :) It has to be good for Bryan's self-esteem to know that the world comes crashing down around everyone else when he's not around.
