Aeden McKay turns 4!!!

Tomorrow promises to be a bit psychotic in terms of being busy with 3 doctor appointments, another thingie, not to mention all of the partying we plan on doing, but I wanted to make sure and give a shout out to my little man who is turning 4.

Aeden is, wow, how do you describe Aeden? Aeden is a living, breathing, walking, talking, LOUD, adorable little happy thought. He LOVES talking to people. If he has a thought going through his mind, you would have a better chance at stopping rain half way down than you would getting him to stop talking mid-thought. He has THE most random thoughts ever. For example, this morning, before even delivering his pre-dawn greeting, he informed me that Daddy's face does 'this' [insert scrunchy-stretched smiling face] when he ties his shoes. Good to know. He creates happiness wherever he goes...I dare you not to smile at least once while in his presence. In short, Aeden just makes the world a better place. Love you Aeden!!!

One of my favorite things...

On mornings when I consciously try to get up at a certain time, it never happens. So I love mornings when I'm just up early, and I can get ready and out the door in time to go here.

What a perfect start to my day :)

Looking forward to this week...

I am meeting this week with a little intrepidation, but also some well-guarded excitement. For starters, Aeden turns 4 this week. I just love 4, or at least I have. I plan on loving 4, how's that :) Aeden also has his well-child visit, so I can get the peace and assurance I need that his burn is healing as it should, so I'm excited for that. Liah and Aeden are ALSO meeting with the ENT on the same day. Liah to see if the fluid in her ears has gone away and if she needs tubes, and Aeden to see if his eardrum healed from this incident. So yes, I am excited for that. Good or bad, I would just as soon get it over with. I don't like things hanging over my head like some little black balloon. Get'er'dun!

And then also, there is one more thing. It is a good thing, but I am becoming a believer in Karma, Murphy, and whatever else that might jinx said good thing, so for now, I'm just going to sit pretty and hope, pray, cross my fingers, wear a lucky rabbit's foot (I'm open to other suggestions), etc.

Bryan's 2nd job STILL hasn't sent us our 1099 (grrrr!). They said they sent it a month ago (funny, because a month ago, they said it wouldn't go out for another week or two). Whatev, but now they won't return our calls or emails and send us new ones. I may have to get annoying :( Can I just say I have yet to meet an on-line university that lives up to the facade of awesomeness they describe on their commercials? They are a bit of a farce I think, but for now they help pay the bills so I will have to settle for my little private tirades :)

Anyways, IF we can get our taxes done, we found out this weekend that we get to welcome a new washer and dryer to the family, so I'm stoked! Because IF I can get them to send me our tax form, we can start the process of finally adopting a new washer and dryer. And when I saw new, I mean new. We have always had used. But I'm spoiled and lazy, and I'm tired of them lasting such a short time, and I'm tired of spending half of my utility bill on non-energy efficient pieces of junk. Though in fairness, this pair has been the mackdaddy of all tithing blessings. They are both whirlpools, and were already 9+ years old when we got them, yet they lasted for over 3 years. So yay for tithing blessings :)

And yay for this week!!! :)

The Fire and Hot Dog Eating Dinosaur Cake

This week was the Blue and Gold Banquet for Scouts. The boys were all supposed to make a cake with their dads for the event. So Zerin and Bryan went to work Monday night, and made a yummy chocolate GF cake together. Zerin then enlisted the help of Grandma on Tuesday for decorating since I was gone to Gunnison the whole day. He had picked out a dinosaur cake...a dinosaur that was eating fire. It was actually leaves according to the picture, but he liked the idea of fire better, so fire it was. In all of her cake decorating stuff, she had a tiny plastic hot dog, so he insisted on having the fire-eating dinosaur eat the hot dog as well. Okay, Zerin. After hours of color combination experiments and probably several hand cramps, the cake was done...it was beautiful! Well, as beautiful as a seaweed-green dinosaur with yellow eyes and fingernails eating a hotdog can be anyway. The only problem was we forgot to take a picture...I know, we're awesome.

But don't worry, I did get a picture of it...eventually ;)

Oh That We Could All Wake Up This Happy...

Doesn't she just make your heart smile? :)

He can SEE!!! :)

So today was the day! I have tried all sorts of tricks to get Asher excited for his glasses (thank you everyone btw for all of your awesome ideas!). This morning, though, I feel like we finally had a breakthrough. I had the thought to make his special bunny "Up Doc" some glasses out of a pipe cleaner. He loved them! So when the optician called this morning and said Asher's glasses were ready early, I was thinking, wow, that's interesting :) So with Up Doc in tow, we went to the clinic. Aeden and Belen were sporting some specs to help Asher get excited :)

Here's a pic of Asher and Up Doc (the brown thing is Up Doc's "glasses")

This is how I thought all of our pictures would turn out, only with less smiling.

But LOOK!

And LOOK!

Yep, LOOK! He's still wearing them! It's been two hours and he hasn't taken them off :D He even sat on the couch for a minute to watch a cartoon! The COUCH...not two inches in front of the tv! When we walked out of the clinic, he looked out the window and yelled "SNOW!" I just can't help think he's experiencing a whole new world today. I am so so so happy for my little guy. Isn't he the cutest thing in the world?! :)

Chris's Parole Hearing...

Well, we made it to and from Chris's parole hearing today...I am SO tired! I went with my mom and Belen. Right as we got to the gate at the prison in Gunnison, Belen had a HUGE blowout, so I had to hurry and change her...apparently we looked suspicious because the sheriff came to make sure we weren't being naughty :) If I had been braver, I would have asked him for his help...it was definitely a 5 handed diaper (you need at least 5 hands to change it). We got there a little early, so we had to wait for about an hour. But that was good because it gave me time to get the baby fed and to sleep. Life was good.

Once we were inside, I realized I had worn the wrong bra, so I had to go in the bathroom and take scissors to my one and only good nursing bra to cut out the underwires so I wouldn't set off the metal detectors. Crisis averted. In the meantime, Belen was asleep with the binky in her mouth. When I carried her through the metal detector, of course it went off, because...BINKY CLIP! Agh. So I had to unplug her from the binky, and of course she woke up. Blast. But she was calm so I figured we were good (they told me several times if she made a peep they would ask me to leave with her...no pressure).

We made our way down the security hall, through the fishbowl of claustrophobia, and into the courtroom. As soon as we sat down, she started getting figety. As the hearing officer conducted the hearing, he asked Chris a bunch of questions, and had him respond. Chris said all the right things. I know that should make me happy, but it was a little too perfect. The disheartening part wasn't what Chris was saying as much as it was that the hearing officer seemed to be lapping it all up. To me, it was quite obvious that it was rehearsed to be what Chris knew they wanted to hear, but no one besides me and mom seemed savy to that.

Belen started getting fussy...I kept waiting for them to ask me to leave, but they never did, so I got up and walked to the back of the room to bounce her. It pacified her long enough to make it through the hearing luckily. After about 15 minutes of back and forth questions, the officer then said he would tell us his recommendation, but that it would be 2-3 weeks before we would hear what the board's final decision was. He is recommending Chris be released after 40 months of incarceration (that would put it about the end of June, this year) with counseling, possible enrollment of a half-way house, and no contact with Jonathan. Not what I was expecting, to be sure.

Through some miracle, I wasn't emotional or angry, or anything...I was just even. This was good, because as soon as I walked out, I left Belen with Mom and went in for a short visit with Chris. That's always fun :) He was very emotional because it was better than what he was hoping, and had a lot of big plans. I tried to reign him in a little, let him talk, and let him know we loved and cared about him. So fun. Not.

So, now that he is getting out, I am wondering what I am going to do with all of this useless knowlege about the court system, and parole hearings, and prison attire requirements, and so on.

The upside, was that Mom was taking pity on me, so she took me to my weakness of choice, The Olive Garden in Provo :) And I knew we were in Provo, because the young newlywed couple seated next to us, in tones loud enough for most to hear, conspicuosly bowed their heads, clasped hands, and prayed for like 5 minutes over their food. I am all for praying over all food, especially that which others have prepared, but there is something to be said for those who make a point of letting others know how righteous they are. It was funny. My mom is a better person than me, she thought it was sweet :) I digress...the food was YUMMY!!!! Food makes everything better :)

Bryan's mom and my friend, Ami, took the rest of the kids while I was gone, and I was SO grateful. As much as I enjoyed myself (hardy har har) I would have died if I couldn't have gone, so THANK YOU both!!!! :)

My Bad Attitude

Just so you know I have a problem with having to be right all of the time so I have posted a warning sign at our home.

Eyeglass Experts Wanted...

I need some pointers, ideas, advice on how I can get Asher to wear his glasses once we get them, and how I can keep him from losing/breaking them. Asher's two, I mentioned that, right? This is gonna be fun :)

My Garden Blog

Bryan suggested last year that we keep a blog to try and keep track of what we do in our garden, what works, and what doesn't. Don't confuse this with an expert how-to garden blog, because experts we are not. But it will be fun...I planted seeds today :)
www.mygardenofweedin.blogspot.com

I feel grateful...

I have so much to be grateful for today, and since I've been a bit of a downer lately, I figured this post is long overdue.

I am so grateful not to be puking my guts out. Yesterday I was sicker than I can ever remember being. It was exactly what I needed to regain some empathy. But I won't lie, I am one happy girl not to feel like that any longer.

I'm grateful for an amazing pediatrician. When Bryan took Liah and Asher to the ophthamologist at PCMC yesterday on the advice of our pediatrician, the doctor found that Asher is severely far-sighted in one eye. He was like, 'Who caught this? Kudos to that doctor, most people wouldn't even look for this problem until kindergarten.' Apparently if Asher doesn't get glasses soon, his other eye will deteriorate, so I am SO grateful for a wonderful pediatrician who is so vigilant. I'm a little nervous about trying to get a 2 year old to wear glasses, but it will work out.

I am grateful for the Spirit. Yesterday, I was devastated I couldn't go with Bryan to his 'last' doctor appointment. Yet, as I laid staring at the ceiling after he left, I couldn't help but feel the calming presence of the Spirit, reminding me it would all work out. Even when Bryan told me what this doctor had to say, I was still okay. And given how I have been feeling about his health issues, that is a little miracle in and of itself. The doctor, by the way, was very kind and nice. I'm still not convinced he is right, but I have the peace that if we are supposed to figure this thing out, we will. 'But if not...' :)

I am grateful for an amazing husband. I will admit, I was feeling a little sorry for myself when I didn't get any kind of valentine's acknowlegment, but as I laid immobile the entire day yesterday, and he got Liah off to school, went to his dr. appointment (which I didn't think he would do without me honestly), took the kids to their eye doctor appointment (he had Liah, Asher and Belen, and he was there for over 3 hours!), bought me gatorade (I am thoroughly convinced that stuff has magical powers), and then deep cleaned the house, did the laundry, made meals, all the while making sure my every need was attended to. He takes SUCH good care of me, and is my very best friend, I am so blessed.

Iluvmyblog!

I love my blog. I love that when other things seem out of control, and a generally cloudy shade of gray, it's always there, happy, cheery, complete with little notes from my friends and loved ones...kind of a perpetual 24-7-365 valentine if you will. I love that I don't have to clean it very often. I love that it doesn't require me to feed it or change it's diaper. I love that it can't get sick...my computer may get sick, but not my blog! I love that it lets me vent and doesn't hold it against me for being weak. I love that it doesn't think I'm hypocritical for venting one minute, and lovey-doveying it the next. I love it that it's cute...even when I don't have time to do my hair or makeup or shower, my blog is always cute. I love having a small corner of the universe where I feel like I have a handle on things, even when in reality that may not quite be the case. I love reading back and remembering...

Yes, it's true...I love my blog, and my friends :)

Aeden's Fettish Gets Ugly...

Okay so this picture doesn't describe what happened exactly but it will give you a pretty good idea. Aeden is OBSESSED with putting things in his ears, like we're talking obsessive-compulsive obsessed. Snowflake ornaments, chopsticks, crayons, q-tips, shag from the tags on a shirt, ribbons, the dog's tail, anything else that will fit...'It feels good!' he tells me...oh boy. So yesterday, he was trying out his new pair of trusty chopsticks while multitasking walking through our kitchen. After about 3 requests from dad to "Take the chopsticks out of your ears, Aeden!" next thing we know, he is falling in true Aeden style, and then he landed, on the chopstick, which was in his ear. I know. So, we took him to the little firstmed place we now go to because we switched insurances ***sigh*** to make sure he wouldn't have one MORE reason not to listen to me. People probably thought I was a terrible mom because I kept laughing...out loud...ever time I imagined him walking with these ornate chopsticks sticking out of his ears....the boy is hilarious! Don't feel bad Chris and Laura, if not the chopsticks, it would have been pencils, or crayons, or bbq skewers...at least the ends were dull, so truly, I'm so glad it was your chopsticks and not something else! :)

Turns out the dr. couldn't see the actual eardrum cuz of all the blood. It may just be that he just scratched the canal, so life is good, or he may have punctured the eardrum, which, life is still good mostly. So the good news, is since Liah is going to the ENT on Aeden's birthday to find out if SHE is having surgery, and that is when I am supposed to follow up with an ENT to check on Aeden, I may be able to piggyback Aeden's appointment to see if he will as well (don't worry, I will pay the 2nd co-pay, I just don't want to go in twice...we'll see what they say when I call them on Monday).

So for all of you that think my winning the lottery would be used for selfish purposes, this is the rundown of how I will spend it:

Doctor visits for February to date: 7

Known remaining visits for February: 2

Known visits for March: 4

Megaphone for yelling at children who are doing dangerous things but cannot hear me otherwise.

On Being a Mom...

A week or so ago, I was reading a friend's blog post on what makes her happy. She, in turn, asked her readers where their joys came from, the only rule was you couldn't say your kids, the gospel or your husband. Her point wasn't that those things aren't important, but she was trying to get to the core of what makes you happy. I came up with some little moments that made me happy, but when it came right down to it, my joys all stemmed from one of those three things. I took a little pride in knowing I had evolved from my teenager mentality somewhat so I wasn't always thinking about me.

Then, one lady made a comment about how sad it was that some women had no identities away from their husbands and their children. She said, speaking of when kids are grown and leave the nest, "And then what? What do we do with our time when they don’t need so much of our time? Those moms that have lost themselves, don’t know what to do with themselves." I felt a little abashed, even ashamed that I had become one of these "lost" women. I thought about it a lot over the next few days. I pondered it, and I wondered where the balance was...how can you truly throw yourself into being a "mother who knows" through sacrifice and true charity for your husband and children and not misplace that person you started off as prior to becoming a wife and mother. Aren't you supposed to lose yourself to a point? But yet, it's not bad to look nice, and be successful.

I still don't have those answers, obviously. And I don't know what I will do or what will keep me busy when my children are all gone, but for now, I don't feel like I need to know. I do know that for me, I am finding peace in my choices today. Sure, the audible praise of the world and the vigor that comes from being on top of your game, whatever that game may be is not only appealing, but intoxicating. There's not too much that is intoxicating about boogers and barf on your shoulder by 9 am :) And if you are like me, praise is sometimes hard to come by in the daily grime. But for me, it's okay. It's okay that I only get my hair done once a year if I am lucky. It's okay that the only alone time I get is the occasional trip to the grocery store to get a gallon of milk. As I think about what Heavenly Father is trying to teach me, I think the time will come when I will have the opportunity to be and look amazing, and maybe even accomplish something fantastic outside the walls of my own home, but that time isn't now.

My friend posted this yesterday, and even though it's a little long, it helped validate my feelings a little. Thanks Kathryn! :)

Send your Relief Society Ideas please!

So, many of you know I am now the Relief Society Meeting Coordinator...I've never had such a long title ;) It is quite a funny thing for Bryan and I...I would have thought that I had a better chance at being called to Bishop than this, but I'll give it my best...hahaha!

So anyways, tomorrow, I'm supposed to meet with the Presidency and give them ideas for the birthday party we are having in a month & a half. My cousin gave me a really cute one about a cheap gift exchange, but turns out, they did something very similar just prior to us moving in, so I need some fresh ideas. I've checked out http://www.sugardoodle.net/ and gotten a couple ideas, but if you have been to a fabulous meeting, and want to share, that would be

A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!

The Letter.

Our visit with our second rheumatologist didn't go so well yesterday, to put it mildly. The doctor had a very arrogant and self-important personality, something I don't think has a place in the medical profession, but it's alive and well in a few so I need to just deal with it.

Bryan said since he knows I need therapy over this experience, he is fine with me talking about it, as long as he doesn't have to talk about it or his health to anyone (even me) ever again, so that is our agreement.

So, I spent the five hours following our appointment or yelling match as I like to call it, writing the doctor a letter. It started out angry, but that wasn't what I wanted it to be. If I had met this man prior to being sued, I probably would have mailed the angry letter. But I realized, in all reality, he probably won't even finish reading it no matter what I write, and it really doesn't matter. What does matter is that I make the effort to forgive him, and to act in a somewhat Christlike manner. So this is what I ended up with. It is on it's way to the post office as we speak, so hopefully, I am doing the right thing.

Dear Dr. So&So:

I need to apologize for how our visit with you went today. I regret that your opinion of us will always be that we are people who are close-minded and defensive. We are not typically the kind of individuals who allow others to affect us so much, or to react and get emotional like we both did. I could and should have handled things much
better. No one deserves to be attacked, and for that I am sorry. You were recommended highly to us, and I am sure you have done a lot of good for a lot of people.

I was told by the lady that helped me make our appointment back in November that the faxes of our file our PCP sent would be all your office would want. That file should have contained any and all test results my husband had over the past three years including blood work, x-rays, CT reports, MRI reports, etc. I was under the impression you would have reviewed that file prior to our visit. In hindsight, I perhaps should have brought copies of that file myself. I am obviously no doctor,
and do not know the best way to help my husband, so I do the best that I can. It was obvious from the tone of your resident when she gave us her opinion, and then later from your body language when you walked in the room, that even though neither of you had, based upon her comments, personally reviewed his file or any of the previous doctors’ opinions, you were both convinced of his diagnosis, and were more or less done looking. We knew we couldn’t force you to look at it any other way, which is why after speaking with the resident, we were getting up to leave when you both walked in. A better course of action for us would have been to just let that be the end of it rather than engaging in what ended up being an unpleasant experience for all of us. A waste of a co-pay, but it would have spared us all some discomfort.

We realize that from the short form we filled out, and the 20 minute exam he underwent, there are things that seem obvious to you and your resident, and that is fine. I think those methods would help 99% of people that walk through your door. You may even be right about my husband, and that is fine. We would love to make some kind of progress in his diagnosis. We have been and are willing to check out all possibilities and avenues. I have started the process in ordering the sleep study with our PCP. My biggest question was, and is, however, why you think something
that is so basic, so simple would have been overlooked by so, so, so many others who are equally as talented as you in their respective disciplines, especially by those those primary emphasis is sleep disorders? That question was never answered for me. I suppose it is possible they all just missed it, and that you were inspired to figure it out so quickly, but I hope you can understand why that feels so unlikely. We may not have explained adequately due to our emotions getting the better of us, but on two different occasions my husband was prescribed different medications to help him sleep better…one was trazadone I believe, and I cannot remember the other. My
husband was not able to function while he was on them, and it did not seem to improve his pain at all, so after a while, those doctors each recommended he go off of those medications, and did not pursue sleep disorders or apnea as being the problem any further. There is no question he suffers many symptoms dealing with his lack of sleep, perhaps we can at least get those under control. He may also have fibromyalgia, and we know this. But your lightening-quick assessments reaffirmed what we have found over the past three years, and that is that doctors call any mysterious pain that cannot be pinned down by test or scan as fibromyalgia. That may be an unfair assessment, but nonetheless, that has been our experience.

We changed insurance companies solely for the purpose of coming to the U for a
fresh look at his situation. We waited for months to get an appointment in rheumatology to rule some things out, including multiple sclerosis and muscular
dystrophy based on the wishes of our primary care doctor. We were told that because it’s a teaching hospital, doctors are energized by the unknown and look at it as a challenge, rather than an assault to their intelligence or character. I was very hopeful.

So when you so quickly dismissed everything we were saying before personally reviewing my husband’s file, and then basically telling him a big part of his problem was he wasn’t getting enough sleep or exercise…it was very difficult. Again, you may be right. But I would ask that you look at this from my husband’s point of view. At this point, my husband has made his peace with death (even though, according to every test he has had, he’s as healthy as a horse). Dying would actually be welcome reprieve from all of this for him. What you told him today was worse than any death sentence. What he heard from your conversation was that nothing is broken, nothing is degenerating…nothing is really wrong. I realize those were not your exact words, but when you are in pain, constant pain, one tends to read between the lines.

He has heard that over and over and over and over. I don’t know if you can imagine how that would feel or not, but it is a literal hell. At this point, as awful and life-altering as it would be for me to lose him, I would almost pray he could die so he doesn’t have to suffer so much anymore. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but that is how bad it is. I know of no one that is in as much pain as he is that handles and hides it as well as he does, and still functions as well as he does. He has had a couple doctors question if fibromyalgia is even real (true story) when we have asked if that was a possibility. Which is why in his mind, it isn’t “real.” He now has zero validation for all of his suffering.

Most people my husband deals with on a daily basis have no idea he is in even in pain, how much he hurts, or how difficult it is for him to move most of the time…he hides it very well. During his flare-ups, he has to use a cane in the morning at home to get around from room to room, and needs help in and out of bed and chairs. At school when he is bad, he walks the halls leaning on a baseball bat to be discrete. He is not looking for attention, he is not a whiner. He only takes ibuprofen when he is in
extreme pain, and not on a regular basis because he doesn’t want to even appear
to be addicted to any kind of pain reliever, regardless of how harmless it is. Those are not things you could have known, or probably care to know, but they are true. We are at peace with the fact that he may never get better. I just want to improve his quality of life if that is possible. It took me nearly a year to convince him to try one more time and make one more appointment with you to figure out what is wrong. This experience has smothered any remaining faith he had in doctors being able to help him.

I was told by the young man who registered us for our appointment over the phone last week that you were one of the kindest, neatest men he had the pleasure to work with, and how lucky we were to get to work with you. I allowed my hopes to get up, and let my guard down. That was a major mistake on my part. It is not your fault my husband is ill, and it is not your fault he may have fibromyalgia or a sleep disorder, or even that you may not understand what is wrong. But your empathy and understanding would have gone a very long way.

I appreciate your opinion, and your expertise. Hopefully they will lead us in a direction that will ultimately give my husband some kind of relief.


Tiffany H. Skelton

I keep half-way wanting to do a spin-off of my blog...keep this one as the cute place to put all of the sweet nothings that happen in our life on a regular basis, and then another for my all-too realistic views on that life. But then I remember that the main reason I do this, is so that my kids can read back on it, and see their childhood for what I hope it was...a wonderful beautiful time peppered with hardships and trials that helped us learn and grow together. I don't want them to think I was the perfect mom, because I'm not. I don't want them to think life should be easy and flawless, because it's not. But I do want them to be better than me, and to learn from my successes and mistakes. So for now...the two shall still be one :)

The Picture.

Thank you so so so so so much, Sheri!

Zerin's Baptism...

Well, I did it. I survived :). The weekend I've been fearing for about 3 years now has come and gone, and I'm still here :) No, I'm not talking about the superbowl, I'm talking about Zerin's baptism. Most of us can relate with the fact that when a significant spiritual event or experience is about to occur, Satan comes out of the woodwork to overshadow those experiences with a bunch of literal crap. This weekend proved to be no exception to that. I will spare you my drama, but the least stressful thing that happened was we lost every single last picture we took of him yesterday. I am heartbroken, which is stupid because they are just pictures, but that's okay. I am happy to say, we rode out the storm, and we made it.

Some of the moments that made it special and memorable for me were....

-I realized Zerin and I were baptized almost exactly 25 years apart from each other. I was baptized February 2, 1985 in the Logan Tabernacle. Zerin was baptized in the Bountiful Tabernacle. Kind of a cute little "awwww" moment for me.

-About an hour before we headed to the baptism, we took the kids up to the temple to have a little speech and to give them each a small gift (I got the idea here...thanks Emily!) of a Book of Mormon and a scripture bag. Zerin's was a little different in that his was a hardbacked copy, and had a special note from Mom and Dad in it. That was one of my favorite memories from my baptism, and I still have the one my parents gave me.

-On our way up to the temple, we were listening to church music, and Liah said, "If I close my eyes, it feels like Jesus is in our van." Awwww... Zerin also made the comment he could feel the Spirit really strong. It may sound dumb, but it really was a powerful experience, probably one of the most powerful I can remember since having my children.

-Bryan gave an awesome talk at the baptism...he talked about symbols and how baptism is a symbol of our covenant or promise with our Father in Heaven. It was so simple. He was obviously talking to the 3 cute kids getting baptized, but in a strange way, I just felt like it was for me.

-When Bryan and Zerin were getting changed after the baptism, Bryan asked Zerin if he felt any different. Zerin said, "Yeah, now I feel cold!" What a goof :)


-After Zerin, there was one last little girl to be baptized. When her dad dunked her into the water, my 3 year old nephew just giggled and laughed. Maybe that isn't the normal reverant reaction for a baptism, but I couldn't help but think that we should all be that happy...what a miracle baptism and the atonement are!



-During his confirmation, he was reminded of many gifts and promises he has been blessed with from our Father in Heaven. One that he was blessed with was the gift of being a missionary. He proved this to be true earlier in the week when he invited our sweet neighbors, Wade and Mike, to his baptism. They had other plans, but were visibly touched by Zerin's invitation. I am in awe of his bravery and his fearlessness when it comes to the gospel. I want to be more like him, that is for sure.

It's safe to say I'm glad we have nearly 2 years before the next one ;)

"If I Had A Hundred..." by Zerin

So the hundredth day of school was this week, and in its honor, Zerin's class filled out this "If I Had A Hundred" Questionnaire. Zerin's answers were too funny not to document, so here you go...

1. If I had 100 dollars, I would...
Buy all but baseball cards.

2. If I had 100 pencils, I would...
Sell all them but 50.

3. If I had 100 mosquito bites, I would...
Want to die.

4. If I had 100 friends, I would...
Be the best kickball team ever.

5. If I had 100 legs, I would...
Run so fast

6. If I had 100 eyes, I would...
Keep all but 2 eyes open.

7. If I had 100 [baseball cards], I would...
Be rich.

8. If I had 100 [stadiums], I would...
Play baseball every day.

9. If I had 100 [fingers], I would...
Tickle people all the time.

10. If I had 100 [birthdays], I would...
Be very very old.

11 hours baby!

So, knock on wood, Belen has slept 3 nights through the night! Last night was an extra treat with 11 hours straight!!! What a blessing this has been since I feel like I got hit by a bus with this dumb cold. What's different, you ask? I can blame only two things. The doctor put her on a medication for her reflux last week (she hates the taste by the way), and I finally took down her bassinette and have been having her sleep in her crib in Liah's room. I am sad for that. It's so nice knowing she's more comfortable, but I LOVE having her right next to me...it's comforting to have her there. But she's growing up, I need to deal with it. I may just have to go get me a baby monitor so I'm not stressing about her in the middle of the night. I've always been close enough to have their little noises wake me up, but we are on opposite sides of the house, and with my plugged ears from this cold, I have been waking up to make sure she's okay because I'm afraid I won't hear her.

Oh, and she is also taking "normal" baby naps now. Two or three hours at a time! Are you kidding me?! This is AMAZING!!! I feel guilty that she's sleeping too much and I'm not paying enough attention to her, but she's always happy now, so something must be working.

So, yesterday we had 4 doctor appointments, and 4 prescriptions. Today we have another, Monday another, next Tuesday three more, and on it goes. I am SO grateful for flex-spending!!!! Yesterday's visits produced two ear infections, one virus, and one child that needed a breathing treatment...Zerin of all people! Crazy. I probably wouldn't have attempted taking as many in as I did this week, except for with Zerin's baptism Saturday, I'd rather not be contaminating everyone...we already got Bryan's poor mom sick :(

When Zerin was a baby, we took him in to the doctor probably once a month (if not more) for all the little things that came up. I was such a nervous nellie! As time has gone on, I've calmed down a bit, and I usually try to wait a lot of these sicknesses out. But knowing what I do now about Liah and the toll these ear infections have taken on her hearing, I think I'm migrating back to going in more often. It's annoying when they tell you it's just a virus and there's nothing they can do, but I will take annoying and expensive over hearing problems, poor girl :( Oh, and I realized I was reading her audiological test wrong...her right ear is classified as a mild loss, her left ear is classified as moderate. I'm hoping this is temporary for her sake.

In any event, the miracle of the week is I'm still standing! With Bryan not getting home until close to 9pm all this week because of parent teacher conferences, there hasn't been a lot of down time, so I have been so grateful for Belen's improved sleeping habits, and medicine for the kids, and humidifiers, and vaporub, and orange juice, and all that other stuff that helps you survive everyone not feeling their best! :)

Need a good feel-good story???

So my friends are in China getting their little boy, Max. They have been keeping a blog while they are there. If you want a good cry, laugh, feel good moment, you should check it out. Since I'm not even related, I'm campaigning for the favorite former neighbor :) Isn't he SO adorable???

One down...

We got one doctor visit (sort of) down today, and have ??? to go, YAY! Today was Liah's appointment with the audiologist. She failed her hearing test at school last month, so they referred us to the District's audiologist for a more specialized test (I love Davis District, seriously!). Well, they classified her as having a mild hearing loss, but he thinks it may be attributed to an ear infection that won't clear up, so he referred us to an ENT whom we will go to this week. She's already had one set of tubes and other such nonsense when she was 18 months, but that may be the road we have to take again, we'll just see.

In any case, he said it probably sounds to her like people are talking under a bit of water. That would also explain why she has to jack the TV and music up so loud, so no more getting frustrated with her about that, ey ;) Anyways, so after we see what this next doc says, we'll head back to the audiologist and see if there has been any improvement. They are all so willing/eager to help her, it just makes my heart happy. Her teacher offered today at parent teacher conferences to move her closer to the front, or even to use a type of microphone thing to help her hear better. I don't know that we are quite to that point yet, but it just made me feel so good to know people are ready and willing to help her if we need it. Good stuff :)

Smart people wanted...

So a long time ago, Asher was "helping" me with my blog, when he did a little somethin'-somethin' and now all of my links, the time posted and comments are all underlined in royal blue! I have tried everything I can think of to fix it and nothing! It's driving me crazy!!!

Anyone got any ideas???

How We Decided Who To Sell...

This was too funny not to share...

So we had our "Special Conference" today at the tabernacle for our stake. Basically it was just a meeting with more people than usual with a visiting general authority from our church (President Walter Gonzalez) in place of our normal meetings. Bryan went an hour early with the 3 oldest kids to save a seat. When they took their seats on the back row of the balcony, and all the bags, books, and coloring utinsels were thus spread out, Bryan said "We have too many kids guys. We need to sell someone." Almost simultaneously, Zerin yelled "LIAH!", Liah yelled "ZERIN!", and Aeden yelled "AEDEN, no DADDY!"

Our First Pinewood Derby Experience...

I am going to apologize, because this post is a little long. But Wednesday was a long day (a good day, but a long day) and I don't want to leave anything out.

Zerin and Bryan have been looking forward to the Pinewood Derby for months. They plotted, they planned, they made not 1, not 2, but 3 prototypes before starting their actual car. They spent hours and hours and hours together in the shop designing, cutting, sanding, painting, and on and on and on. And when I say they, I really mean they. Bryan let Zerin do mostly everything other than the big saw...I was proud of HIM for not taking over :) When I get the camera fixed, I'll post a pic. It is a pretty sweet looking piece of work, I must say. They modeled it after the A-10 Thunderbolt Sharkface Plane from WWII. They made me paint the face on though. All I can say was I tried :)

So the night of the race came...Zerin had been asking every 10 minutes since he got home from school if it was time to go. Bryan hadn't been feeling well that day, but he lit up like a Christmas tree when it was time to go.

Let me back up...my friend Ami gave me a morning at the temple for my birthday, so I decided to go that morning while Liah was at school. As I got into the dressing room of the temple to change with 5 minutes to spare (hahaha!), my phone started ringing (I had forgotten to leave it in the car)...it was the school. I was almost late for the session, so I decided not to go check the message in the hopes that all was okay. I said a little prayer, and literally ran, and made it just in time to take 3 deep quiet breaths and then enter the session. The temple was wonderful and I was so so so glad I was able to go (THANK YOU AMI!!!), but when I got out to the van and checked my messages, Liah had thrown up at school, and so Grandma (with the help of her home teacher) went to the school to pick her up and bring her home. If I had checked the message at the temple, I know I wouldn't have been able to refrain from leaving to take care of her, so I was grateful for people willing/able to step in for me so I could go. It was exactly what I had been needing, and it gave me the extra umph I needed to make it through what would end up being a very interesting day.

That day was also birthday tables for Zerin at 11:30 during his lunch. So after calling to check in with Mom to make sure Liah was okay, I ran straight from the temple to the school where Zerin was waiting. We enjoyed lunch in the library together. Tangent....he lost his 5th tooth moments before I got to the school. For whatever reason, he put the tooth on his lunch tray while we were eating, and without thinking, tossed the whole thing in the garbage when he was finished. He realized what he had done seconds later and came to me with a look of total panic. I hesitated for only a moment, and then dug into the garbage to retrieve the tooth. After systematically sorting all (and I do mean all) the trash, I looked on the ground and found the tooth. I quickly put all the trash back, and ran to the bathroom to disinfect :) We then went out to the playground so I could watch him play in his daily kickball tournament. He made two outs, so he was pretty happy. I loved watching him in his element :) I have such a good boy. I made it home around 12:30, and then had to of course had to fill Bryan's mom in. Next thing I know, it's after 1, and her entire day was gone! Oops!

So that being said, we got to the night of the Derby, and a few minutes before we were going to leave, Liah threw up again. I was pretty bummed, because I had been looking forward to this almost as much as the guys. Zerin was going to be getting his bobcat on top of everything else, but I knew Zerin NEEDED Bryan there, so I offered to stay with the kids while he took Zerin & Aeden. Aren't I such a good wife ;)

About a half hour later, Bryan's mom came through the door and told me to go up to the derby while she watched the kids...again. What a sweetheart :) She stayed with the 3 kids (which ended up being a blog post experience in and of itself) so I could run up and see him race. Let's just say her night involved 2 screaming kids, dogs getting into garbage, and trying somewhat successfully to be two places at once :) I think the night earned her her angel wings, but I was so grateful!

Okay, so the race. It was pretty funny watching a lot of the dads getting so into it. Graphiting their cars, last minute look-overs...awesome :) We had spent a lot of timing telling Zerin that it wasn't about winning, and that the most important thing was having fun, and spending time with Dad, and all that good stuff, so we felt pretty good about any outcome. Well, after 4 races, Zerin placed dead last in every single race. He had the worst score of everyone there. Even his one friend, who had spent just a couple of days working on his car all by himself with no parental help, came in 3rd for one race. Needless to say, Zerin was devastated. I kept looking over at him, and he wouldn't look at me. He wasn't crying, he just had a straight face. If you know Zerin at all, you know what I knew. So during the final race of the tournament between the winners, I went and got him and we walked out in the hall. He asked if we could go in a room. I put my arm around him, and said, "Do you need to cry?" and he just started uncontrollably sobbing. It broke my heart. Between his muffled sobs, he told me he wasn't upset that he didn't win, it was that he knew how hard hard he and Bryan had worked on it, and that it wasn't fair he had spent so much time on their car, and he was very very last. He was afraid Bryan was disappointed (which maybe he was a little, but he never said) and that he wouldn't feel good enough to build another car like that again (I told him he would). Then we talked about how lucky he was that he got all of those memories of working with Daddy out in the shop, and that in 20 years, he may not remember that he came in dead last, but he will always remember how much fun he had making the A-10 Thunderbolt Sharkface Car with Dad. He smiled a little, gave me a huge hug, and then went back out with his friends. By the time we made it home, he was smiling, and happy, and had a picture drawn of next year's car.

I was so so so so proud of him, I can't even tell you. I have to admit, when the night started, I was hoping he wouldn't win, just to help him have a little humility (he can get a little self-inflated at times haha). When everything went down, I felt a little guilty for feeling that way. But by the end of the night, he had taught me yet another lesson on empathy. It just makes me want to hug and kiss his little gappy-toothed face to pieces :) I don't know why I am so blessed to have such an amazing little boy...

Belen @ 4 months...

Time is, as always, flying by. And I'm still having camera issues, but soon, I will have pictures soon :)

Bella (Baiya) had her 4 month check-up today. They are a little worried about her being malnourished (ha!) :). She now weights 17 lbs even. That is actually great, because when I weighed us on our scale at home and then subtracted my weight, it was more like 19, so 17 is great :) (though I would have been happier to find out it was me that was 2 lbs lighter ;))

To give you a little comparison, at this age, Zerin was 16 lbs 1 oz, Liah was 14 lbs 14 oz, Aeden was 18 lbs, and Asher was 16 lbs 13 oz. That puts her in the 95+ percentile for weight. She's now 25 1/2 inches (again 95%), and her head is 17" (92%).

She's outgrown most of her 3-6 month...***sigh***. The variety in her wardrobe is fun, but it's getting a little pricey. Thank goodness for wonderful friends with great taste that give me handmedowns ;)

She has a nice case of reflux, but other than that, she is doing great. She went from sleeping pretty good at night, to now waking up every hour or so, poor little toad. But during the day she takes a couple decent naps, so we're surviving it. There are so many I hear of whose babies have reflux that are a LOT worse, so I'm not complaining.

Girls Night Out!

So as a surprise, Bryan brought home some free tickets he got for the U gymnastics meet, so last night, amid the blizzard, Liah, Belen and I ventured out. He's so good to me :) It was a blast! We drove to the stadium and then took Trax to the Huntsman Center. We were crammed in like poorly packed sardines, but it made it more memorable. I was SO SO SO glad I brought Belen's sling! She was snug and warm and slept through the whole ride. The conductor was a bit behind schedule so she was hauling asparagus around those corners...Liah was a little fearful during the ride, but afterwards was ecstatic to learn we got to do it again on the way home :)

There were tons of people, apparently it was a record crowd for the Red Rocks. It was so fun to watch Liah take it all in. She didn't really get the point of the cheerleaders getting people to yell, but by the time we left, she was clapping along, and gave a little hip shimmy when they did the dancing cam thing. She's so cute :) We lasted for a little over an hour, but by then Belen had had it, so we headed for home. Probably a good idea since our return train ride afforded us actual seats. It was a little anti-climatic after our first train experience :) After returning home and watching the news, we found out that the U beat Georgia, so even better news!

She talked and talked the whole evening. As of tonight, she wants to be a professional gymnast, until she has kids. THEN she wants to be a ballet teacher. We bought sour patch kids, but she wouldn't eat them until we got in the van because she was afraid she would eat them all, and she had promised her brothers she would bring them a souvenir. I love a girl with self-control :) I loved being with just the girls, it makes me so excited for when they are teenagers (hopefully they'll still want to hang out with boring old mom by then hahaha).

Unloading my brain...

I want so bad to post some super cute pictures of my sweet little baby, but alas, I hate my picture-taking skills. I am getting worse as time goes on...ugh! So just imagine, her cute dark hair is thinning, and some quasi-light blonde hair is replacing it. She has a smile that can light the far corners of the saddest heart, and more rolls than the Pillsbury dough boy. I wuf her :)

A week ago, Bryan took a tumble at school and got a nice little concussion. He is doing a lot better now, so for that I am VERY glad. His memory wasn't all that great, he would get these awesome headaches, and his disposition was different from normal.

I'm getting a little tired from all of this, I admit it. I wouldn't call it burning out just yet, but I am tired. Belen is going through a growth spurt or maybe even teething (heaven forbid!), so she isn't that happy of a camper right now either. She makes up for it when she's happy, but yeah. The kids, cute wonderful and sweet as they are, have reached a new level of insanity. I'm starting to dread people coming over because they don't get to see them as I know they really are, but see this why-don't-you-medicate-them version of themselves. Not fun.

If I'm honest, I know why. When Bryan isn't feeling well, I tend to get a little down, and in turn, don't do as much with them as I should and want to. Hello! They are bored and vying for attention. Since that will most likely become more the norm than the exception, I really need to work on that. Bryan is so good with them, and most days still does lots with them when he gets home, but you know. I talked with my cousin's husband a while ago (his wife, my cousin, has MS) and he just has such a good, laid-back, live-in-the-moment attitude, I really admire him. Hopefully I can get there.

Bryan has such a good attitude about the whole thing, and is honestly grateful for being sick for all the things he has learned. I am not so good...I would prefer a different lesson :)

As it is, I find myself counting down the days to Bryan's dr. appointments, with this probable false hope that they will figure out what is wrong and help us help him. As afraid as I am of never knowing what is wrong, I come to realize that what I'm really afraid of is watching him suffer for the rest of his life. I honestly don't know if I can handle that. Helping someone get through a trial that you know has an end is one thing, but this feels very indefinite, and I'm not good with indefinite.

Well, enough cosmic pondering, it's time to finish dinner :)

Delicious Ambiguity

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." Gilda Radner

I saw this quote on a friend's Facebook page this morning, and it just struck a resonate chord in my soul. This is what life is, especially my last 5 years. It's hard, but it's so, so good. As we head into this next month with all of the doctor visits, tests, etc, along with all of the uncertainty that it holds, I find myself "taking the moment" more and worrying less about all of the what-if's on my horizon. I still worry, just less :)