On Being a Mom...

A week or so ago, I was reading a friend's blog post on what makes her happy. She, in turn, asked her readers where their joys came from, the only rule was you couldn't say your kids, the gospel or your husband. Her point wasn't that those things aren't important, but she was trying to get to the core of what makes you happy. I came up with some little moments that made me happy, but when it came right down to it, my joys all stemmed from one of those three things. I took a little pride in knowing I had evolved from my teenager mentality somewhat so I wasn't always thinking about me.

Then, one lady made a comment about how sad it was that some women had no identities away from their husbands and their children. She said, speaking of when kids are grown and leave the nest, "And then what? What do we do with our time when they don’t need so much of our time? Those moms that have lost themselves, don’t know what to do with themselves." I felt a little abashed, even ashamed that I had become one of these "lost" women. I thought about it a lot over the next few days. I pondered it, and I wondered where the balance was...how can you truly throw yourself into being a "mother who knows" through sacrifice and true charity for your husband and children and not misplace that person you started off as prior to becoming a wife and mother. Aren't you supposed to lose yourself to a point? But yet, it's not bad to look nice, and be successful.

I still don't have those answers, obviously. And I don't know what I will do or what will keep me busy when my children are all gone, but for now, I don't feel like I need to know. I do know that for me, I am finding peace in my choices today. Sure, the audible praise of the world and the vigor that comes from being on top of your game, whatever that game may be is not only appealing, but intoxicating. There's not too much that is intoxicating about boogers and barf on your shoulder by 9 am :) And if you are like me, praise is sometimes hard to come by in the daily grime. But for me, it's okay. It's okay that I only get my hair done once a year if I am lucky. It's okay that the only alone time I get is the occasional trip to the grocery store to get a gallon of milk. As I think about what Heavenly Father is trying to teach me, I think the time will come when I will have the opportunity to be and look amazing, and maybe even accomplish something fantastic outside the walls of my own home, but that time isn't now.

My friend posted this yesterday, and even though it's a little long, it helped validate my feelings a little. Thanks Kathryn! :)