Where Aeden Wants to Serve a Mission...

I had to go get Zerin a new white shirt today for church...isn't it amazing at how quickly boys can turn nice white shirts nasty??? Anyways, so after Zerin and Liah left for school, I took the little boys to the LDS Distribution Center. While we were waiting in line, the lady that was checking us out asked Aeden if he was going on a mission someday, and he said, "Uh-huh!" Then she asked him where he wanted to go, to which Aeden responded, "I don't know where Heavenly Father wants to send me yet." Man, I love my little boy :)

Little Differences...

Have you ever noticed how life has a way of redefining what you believe your limits to be? Adding to that insight is the added depth the scripture found in Mosiah 4:27 "...for it is not requisite that a man should run ^bfaster than he has strength."

For example...when I was expecting Zerin, I remember whining, a lot. Bryan really remembers me whining, a lot. But I worked up until the day before I had him, and I was uncomfortable, but it really was a breeze of a pregnancy.








With Liah, I was 4 months pregnant when I was called into the Young Women's Presidency, seven months pregnant when I went to camp, and 7 1/2 months pregnant when I was called to be President. I am sure it was one of many blessings I experienced while serving in this capacity, but I don't remember feeling yucky until after camp, and even then, again, I know I complained a lot to Bryan about how I felt, but I also know it wasn't bad...at all.














While pregnant with Aeden, I was still in Young Women's, and I remember feeling the effects a lot earlier and a lot more prevalently than I did with Liah or Zerin, but still...looking back, it wasn't that bad.















Asher was a different story somewhat. It had been an extremely stressful year both from dealing with my brother and all that came with that, and then a lawsuit, and on and on. I whined so so so much during that pregnancy, and though I know much of the yuckiness I felt was emotional, it manifested itself physically as well. That was the first time I thought quietly to myself, Can I do this again??? But those feelings left quickly after I had him.





This go around, however, has been even more different...I whine a lot still, but for the first time, I feel like I feel yucky enough to actually deserve to whine a little. I am a bit ashamed to admit that I used to really look down on women that complained about being pregnant and constantly whined about how physically miserable they were. Now that I have joined their ranks, I suppose a little humble pie is in order. It's one way to learn empathy I suppose :) In a way, I feel like I may go into labor at any moment, and I've never really physically felt that way (I've verbally hoped that I would, but I've never had any physical signs to validate those hopes). But last night, I really started thinking I might be taking a drive to McKay-Dee. Today, luckily, things are much calmer, so I'm hoping it was a fluke and we can ride this out for a few more weeks.

Anyways, the point is, I would never have thought I could have handled a pregnancy where I felt like this as much as I have, for as long as I have. I never thought I could handle spending most of my day sitting. I never thought I could be a nice person while being in a fair amount of pain for most of the day (can I just tell you how much this has made me appreciate Bryan?). And I certainly never thought I could deal with the unknown of an unscheduled birth. But as all signs are pointing to the latter actually happening, I'm dealing with it, and I haven't imploded or anything like that...another sign Heavenly Father knows what I can handle better than I do. If I do work up the courage to go through this another time, I'm sure I'll look back on this short moment I'm going through now and think, "what a wimp!" :)

5 weeks...or so...

I'm on my weekly doctor visits now...craziness. Everything looks good. While he was doing the ultrasound, she would break into those sleeping smiles, where she has a straight face, slight smile, straight face. It was pretty cute. You can see the tail end of the smile here...so it doesn't look like much of a smile, but you can get the idea.

Two weeks ago, she was measuring around 4 lbs. He says she is a good 6 1/2 lbs now, so she'll fit in well with our other hefty babies if that holds true.

As for me and when she will actually come, that is still a total mystery. Right now, I'm a 2 1/2 and 75% effaced, but I was that way with Asher for about 3 weeks, so I am not anticipating an early arrival...but I will be putting the car seat in the van tomorrow...just in case.

Back to School

I can't believe it's the end of August already...where has the time gone??? This last weekend, we had promised the kids a camping trip of sorts...so on Friday, I put up the tent on our 4x 10 piece of grass, and we roasted hot dogs and smores on the barbequer. Not what I would call high adventure, but they seemed happy with it :)

Sunday night, of course they were all so excited, I didn't think any of them would ever fall asleep. I was shocked to find all of them sound asleep by 9:30 pm! They were in bed an hour before that, but I had expected hours of popping in and out of bed...needing drinks, bathroom breaks, and yet another rundown of what the next morning would bring, but nope!

Monday morning arrived, and Liah and Zerin were up like clockwork at 7. They both got ready so quickly, and were actually ready a bit too early :) They were pretty patient with their slow mom that took forever to get ready...just ask them. Grandma Skelton came over to watch the little boys so I could take L & Z to school...she took this cute pic of them on the front porch.


Both kids were abnormally quiet once we left, I think the nerves finally kicked in. Zerin seemed a little annoyed that I made them wait for yet another picture, but oh well :)


Then it was the flag raising ceremony in front of the school. I think it's such a great way to start the year...love it.

We took Zerin to his teacher, he was unusually clingy, and gave me an extra tight hug, then he was off.

They had the parents go with the kindergarteners for the first bit, so I walked with Liah. She was holding my hand pretty tight, but once we made it in her classroom, and she saw how nice her teacher was, her entire demeanor changed. Confident Liah emerged, and she took her seat, and even helped one of her friends who is even more shy. When the time came for me to go, I thought there would be tears, or clinging, or at least some outward expression of, something. But nope. She was in the zone, and she wasn't looking back...and especially not at me. That's a good thing, though...right? :)

Bryan joked that by the time he was done talking with Liah after school, he knew more about what she did at school, than he did of Zerin's last two years. Zerin answers typically include "good" "fun" "boring" and "I don't know." Liah has the gift of detail and spared none when it came to explaining how perfect her life is now that she is in kindergarten. I can't begin to imagine how much they are both going to change over this next year.

I didn't go...

So today was the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Dedication, and I didn't go. The bad part is, that I have planned on not going since I heard about it. I have made no secret of my abhorrance for public appearances right now, coupled with feeling like an invalid, I wanted nothing to do with going.

I feel horrible now, especially since Bryan was boxed in by cute married couples on every side when he went this afternoon. He said he didn't care, but I still felt bad. I love the spirit that is in those special meetings, but I couldn't pull any amount of enthusiasm together to get up the gumption to go. I am sure what I did at home was far more physically challenging that sitting on a bench for an hour and a half, but it seemed like the most insurmountable task at the time. Now, I just feel like a big fat slacker...like I'm one of the 5 virgins that forgot to pack extra oil.

It's interesting to me how as I hit these plateaus in life, where things may not be going perfectly, but they are going smoothly, how quickly I allow myself to get sidetracked and unencumbered with the weightier matters. I allow projects to take precidence. I forget so quickly how everything good I have and am has nothing to me, and everything to do with Him.

So on first day of school eve, I am once again, recommitting. Recommitting to try, prioritize, not make excuses, and most of all, to "Remember..."

That's a lot of kids...

So I finished Asher's and Belen's stockings today. Asher wasn't born until 2 days after Christmas, so I didn't worry about it that year (that, and we couldn't agree on a name until December 26th), and last year we were so busy with house stuff I didn't worry about it again, but I figured it was time, so since I do nothing but sit on my duff ordering my poor kids around all day, I thought I'd get it done.

When they were both finished, I laid the stockings out like so on the back of the couch, and realized..."Wow, that's a lot of kids." I think it's safe to say I've officially freaked myself out :)

Happy 82nd Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday President Monson!!!

The High Speed Chase...

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

So nights like last night make me wish we had a police scanner.

I had finally fallen asleep around midnight, when not too much later, I heard screeching tires and racing engines. It sounded like someone was auditioning for Dukes of Hazard outside of my window. That went on for a couple minutes, when I started hearing sirens...lots of sirens. From the sound of things, they were up on/around Orchard Drive, less than 2 blocks away. That went on for a bit more, and then another car came barreling down my street (could have even been police) going, I would guess, around 60-70, blew through the stop sign, and kept right on going. The screeching and crunching finally stopped about 10 minutes after it started, but by then, if you think I could sleep, you're nuts.

So this morning, I awoke at 5:30 to hear on the news that some parole violator or something like that had led police on a high speed chase in our neighborhood, and oh yeah...HE GOT AWAY!!! Luckily it ended clear over by Bountiful High, and we all know that would be a lot to expect him to run 8 blocks to my house, but yikes! It was nice though, because all that adrenaline and the waking from a deep sleep acted like a nerve block and I was able to walk across the room to look, half-clad, out of my windows, without having to sit down. Hooray for the silver linings :)

Ten O'Clock Tangents and other Random Thoughts

My youngest has atopic eczema. All of my kids have had some type of eczema, Liah up until now was the worst, but hers has gotten better with time. Asher, however, has it horrible. He gets horrible patches where he scratches in the winter months...elbowpits and feet mostly. Also typically, when he is teething, he gets diarrhea. This is usually accompanied by a mild fever and irritability. In less than 5 minutes of said nasty diaper, he develops the worst diaper rash I have ever dealt with. I have always been able to get these rashes under control with my other kids, but his just wouldn't heal. I tried OTC stuff, herbal stuff, steroid stuff, you name it...nothing helped. So a few months ago, I caved and took him to the dermatologist who diagnosed him and gave us some ointment and a rather rigid regimen of various ointment applications. After a week or so, it started to clear up. YAY!!! I kept up this regimen for weeks, but after a while, he seemed to be doing so well, I eased up a bit. One bout of diarreah later, and the poor boy was screaming again...it comes on so fast, I hate it! So now, we are back in our regimen, and I'm just praying it clears up soon, poor little guy. :( I had to give him a bath tonight, and he was just writhing in pain...it broke mine and Bryan's hearts.

Speaking of Bryan, he is back to work...officially now. He has been back for a while, but now that the teachers are back, it just feels more official. I miss him. A lot. He loves who he works with, and the community, so that helps soften the blow a bit, but if I could figure out a way where we could just hang out all day every day, working in the yard and on projects together...I'd be in heaven. For now, I'll have to settle for sharing him with his South Weber Elementary family. Don't get me wrong...he puts major kinks in my schedule when he's home, but I usually get over that in a few days, and then it's just sweet bliss. I feel like I need to just soak up every waking moment (even though it's SO easy for me to forget that right now), and enjoy those times when he is at home.

Speaking of home, we STILL haven't closed on this house. The latest and greatest is that the lender our bank was using went under (Taylor, Bean and Whittaker), so we had to start the process completely over one day before we were supposed to close. That means, we will have had 4 appraisals in the last 6 months for this same house (hopefully, we won't have to pay for them all). I am just praying we can close before the baby comes...we seem to have fallen prey to all of the "that would never happen"s that there are in real estate, so once it's all said and done, I will breathe much easier. Closing on a home is never easy nor simple I've decided. Well, it is for some people I suppose :)

Speaking of closing, Bryan's brother that's now in Colorado is also supposed to be closing on his home soon, and it's killing us we can't be out there to help. Moving is so overwhelming when you have help, my stomach churns imagining doing an inter-state move away from family and friends. But that's one thing that makes them amazing, is they just handle it.

Speaking of handling it, I handled things much better yesterday than Monday...I wasn't nearly as sore, and I was able to get up a bunch more (Poet!). Today not so much. She's just sitting funny, so there's nothing wrong, but oh my goodness!!! I can't even walk hardly sometimes. Luckily it ebbs on and off throughout the day, so I get little breaks here and there, but yeah. As long as I'm sitting, I'm fine...it's walking that gives me fits. What can I expect when I've already gained 60 lbs? It's like carrying around a 4th grader all day long :) It still seems so surreal that another little person is about to join our family, I know I don't feel nearly well enough prepared to mother 5 children, but I think my body will be singing sweet praises once she finally does.

The end.

Why I think my little angel is evil...sortof.

So just for strictly documenting purposes...ooooowwwwiiieee!!!!!! I think Belen dropped...for real this time. I can barely walk today, it's so ridiculous. I am hoping it's one of those come and go symptoms cuz to quote Dr. Phil, "This just ain't workin' for me." My poor kids are going to have the entire programming lineup for all PBS stations completely memorized by the end of the week if this keeps up.

Oh, and let's just talk about Asher for a minute. This child has turned into Zerin (Zerin has been a go-go-go boy from the moment he figured to put one knee in front of the other). Only he is Zerin laced with maliciousness. Don't let his adorable sweet facade fool you...he is a calculating little fiend. Yesterday in Sacrament Meeting, he kept screaming at the top of his lungs, at, oh let me think...EVERYTHING. Luckily, my mom-in-law and cute neighbor helped rescue my kids from a fate worse than death, and saved my sanity in the process (Bryan was home sick).

When I'm sewing, he'll grab a button, make sure I'm watching and put it in his mouth and just laugh. He is a tease, and just a huge little stinkpot!!!

Any time I put him down, he laughs his evil (yet extremely adorable) laugh and takes off running for the street...and the middle of the street at that. Yes, he can run faster than me. Luckily 9 times out of 10, Zerin and Liah will come to my rescue and save him from inevitable peril. Thus why my doors are now constantly locked...he can open the door but can't quite reach the deadbolt yet.

Today, took the cake though. Bryan had climbed up on the roof to fix something, while Liah, Aeden and Asher were playing on the tramp. Within less than one minute, Asher climbed down from the tramp, and started climbing the ladder. From the kitchen (I was making dinner), I hear Liah and this blood-curdling scream. It was hysterical, even for her. So as fast as I could (which is not very) I ran out to see Liah freaking out at the bottom of the ladder, and Asher on the 2nd from the top rung, smiling that same evil little grin (this is a VERY tall ladder)! Bryan got to him luckily right as I came out...poor Liah was traumatized. The thing that saved her was us reassuring her for about a half hour how she had literally saved his life. So she spent the rest of the night telling us (and Zerin, who had missed the excitement) every single detail over and over so we knew just how much she had saved his life :)

I have decided, I may not survive this little boy's childhood if this keeps up.

Some finished projects

For the past few weeks, it's felt like I've done nothing but sew! I'm happy to say I'm more than half way through all of these crazy projects so I thought I'd post a few.


These are some school clothes I made for Liah. Thanks to my mom-in-law, the shirts actually turned out. I am not good at following, or even understanding a pattern...I kind of just muddle through. I had messed up attaching the skirt to the bodice royally, and she was able to undo it and show me the right way to do it. Liah looked so cute in them, I'm excited. Now if she will actually wear them, that's another story.





There are about 12 ladies that had or are having babies between July and December in my neighborhood, so I wanted to get something together to do for all of them. I copied my friend, Kathryn on these super cute owls. It was nice cuz I was able to use fabric from all my projects of yore. Then I just made a little bib to match.








And finally, my BIG project, was finishing all of these Dad quilts for Bryan and his siblings. Dad had tons of work shirts. We kept just a few when cleanup was going on because Bryan wanted a quilt out of them. It was one of those things I thought I would perpetually put off, but I just decided to dive in and get it done. After cutting the first 10 blocks, I decided to do one for all of his siblings, so I kept going. I like how the pockets are on some of the blocks, and I made sure each of them got at least one name tag square. Some of the shirt squares are stained from Dad's many projects, but I liked that.

The dark blue squares are of his work pants. They are the corner and center squares. The center square has the word "Resurgam." Bryan ran across it when he read Jane Eyre. It means "I will rise again." in latin, and it was the epitaph Jane put on her friend Helen's grave. Dad was so fond of quotes and literature, it seemed fitting.

8 Kids @ the Fair!

Thursday and Friday, my cousin's kids came to spend the night. We love it when they come!

Thursday was a little low key...the kids pretty much lived in Grandma's treehouse, with intermittent breaks for bathroom breaks and meals. In the evening, we all went down to the Farmer's Market (it's only a block away from us). That night, we put 7 of the 8 kids up in the loft for a movie night with sleeping bags and popcorn....they loved it, and were actually all asleep by 11:30...shocking! :)

Friday, we headed for the Davis County Fair. We had a bet how many stares we would get...pregnant me walking with 8 kids :) It was pretty funny, actually, but we only had one person actually ask so not too bad. I think people go to the fair in part to look at the extremes of people...I know I do :) We all had lemonade slushies and got cheap toys that were made in china that probably didn't make it home before they broke, but that's what the fair is all about, right? :)

Then it was time for them to head to their next destination.

See you again soon, Carlee, Taylor, Christian and Jenna!!!

SHE FLIPPED!!!

My prospects for a c-section just went way down...hooray!!!! Right after my last appointment, the tingliness, and numbness in my back and legs went way down to next to nothing. I still had "normal" stuff that I've had with all my other kids, but I'm wondering/thinking if she didn't flip around right after that.

All I can say is I am so so so happy :) I don't mind a longer hospital stay, but the cost, and the RECOVERY...not as excited about those things, so happy day :D

Blissfully mundane...

In a few more minutes, I get to head out to my doctor to see if little Belen has decided to turn her act around or not. I've almost kind of resigned myself to the fact that she won't turn, and that I'll be having a c-section, but I would be elated if the opposite were true. Since all of my kids have been born with the cord around their necks...some of them blue, some of them not, I am a little paranoid about trying to forcefully turn her, but we'll see what the doc says. I don't think I have ever trusted someone outside of my family more in my life, so if he told me to stand on one foot for 24 hours straight, I would do it. 'Course, he wouldn't ask that :)

We have had a busy couple of days. Monday, Bryan turned 32!!! He was feeling yucky all day, so we kept things pretty low-key, but we still managed to have a lot of fun. In the morning, for her present for Daddy, Liah wanted to buy Bryan a plant for his pond, but she wanted HIM to pick it out, so we loaded him in the van, eyes covered with all of the kids and headed for J&L. Poor guy was already feeling pukey so all of the driving in circles probably didn't help ;) But we made it, and he picked out a beautiful hibiscus with her! We are excited to see how it does. We have one goldfish in our pond, and seeing as how our mosquito fish keep having babies, we have about 50 of them, so it's fun for the kids to see them all.

For his birthday dinner, I made him a Cafe Rio recipe I got from a friend for their pork with green sauce, pico, and special rice. It took me all day, and I made quite a mess, but it was yummy. I think he enjoyed it more last night because he was feeling a bit better. I also made a chocolate zucchini cake with raspberry filling and chocolate cream cheese frosting. It was yummy yummy yummy. I like this one because unlike a lot of recipes that call for zucchini, this one uses pureed rather than grated zucchini so the texture is a lot better. Even Zerin gobbled it up (until he noticed the raspberry seeds...busted!).

Zerin gave Bryan a Dunder Mifflin t-shirt (I got it at Kohls for $3!!!) which he loved. Asher gave him a mo-tab cd, and Aeden gave him the one thing he asked for...April 2009 conference cd's! I FINALLY got to give him "my gift," he loved it! Since I made the same thing for his other 4 siblings, I have to wait to tell you about it until they've all opened theirs, which will happen this weekend, but as soon as they do, I'll post a pic. Again, my camera with all the other pics is upstairs, and I'm telling you, that's a lot of stairs, so sorry for now there are not more pictures in this long epistle.

I got Liah's dresser painted, and Aeden and Asher's dresser painted...such a huge difference! It makes me wonder why I put it off for so long! I'm going to post pics of the boys' room soon so you can see how that turned out.

Today, I have a batch of tomatoes to can...never done those before, so I'm hoping they turn out. By the way, I have a TON of tomatillos (not to be confused with tomatoes) and I could never never ever use them all, if anyone is interested. They are awesome in homemade salsa, and a little goes a long long way. I used them in the pico I just made, and wow. I am going to can a batch of salsa this weekend, but there will be gobs and gobs left even after that, so, seriously, come on by and get some.

Last night, the kids had a sleepover with each other in the loft. They watched "Rookie of the Year" and "Sandlot." Let's just say Zerin's on a bit of a baseball kick right now. He asked Bryan to go to the sporting goods store so he could look at all the baseball hats to decide who his favorite team is...interesting strategy :) For now, the Cardinals are "his" team.

I can't believe Liah is starting kindergarten in a week and a half. In some ways, she seems so much older than that, but in others, I'm a little devasted to begin the time where she is with other people more than me. She is beyond excited. I am working to try and get her some outfits made before it starts....I'm still not sure how they are going to turn out, but in theory, they are really cute.

Aeden is still my little ham. His latest antic is that he has to show us his poo-poo in the potty EVERY TIME HE GOES! Yeah, it's getting old, but it's cute he's so proud. I think it scared Marné pretty good when she and Mom came over the other night :)

Asher is growing up too fast, and I know it's will get worse once Belen comes. Lucky for me, he still loves his morning cuddle time. He's "speaking" a bit more, and hates to be left out by the big kids. Bryan took them yesterday to play baseball after work, and with a huge field to play in, the only thing Asher was interested in doing was running into the street. Typical Asher. My favorite thing he does still, is anytime you call him, wherever he is, you get a loud, "Huh?" It is so funny :)

My Pregnant Meltdown...a journal entry

So today was one of those surreal, weird, not even sure what to call it pregnant days. At least, I'm blaming today in part on my pregnancy...heaven help me if this is all me, because that means I am seriously going crazy. Please don't confuse my self-frustration with a lack of gratitude for my current situation, but it was just one of those days.

The day started off good, but after about an hour, I start to feel like the beached whale that I am. Sidenote: Again, SO SO SO glad that I am getting my little girl, and my minor, temporary physical discomfort is such a small price to pay, so I'm glad and happy...this was just a moment that lasted about a day.

I got progressively more irritable as the morning wore on. Not with anyone or anything...just irritable. Mostly, I think it was because I dread going anywhere where people know me right now. So church?! Yeah, not my favorite at the moment. I look just SO not good, and I get so many looks of sympathy, and I just know young girls and women everywhere are thinking I won't ever look like THAT when I'm pregnant (and if I knew I would, I so wouldn't have kids)! I hate being a spectacle. If my guilt wouldn't drive me insane, I would stay home for the next few weeks and avoid all public scrutiny. But it would, so I go.

We made it to church with 5 minutes to spare, when Aeden announced he had to go to the bathroom, so I ran him in to the bathroom while Bryan took Asher to nursery. Took care of Aeden, got him to class, just in time to see Bryan leaving nursery with Asher (apparently he started crying when Bryan went to leave). No no no! I thought. If Asher gets out of the habit of going now, I'm done for! I chased Bryan to the chapel where the men all meet to retrieve my son, only to have Bryan smile and walk through the doors...I wasn't about to pursue him in there in my current state, so I retreated to Relief Society...spouting sweet nothings of "stupid husband!" under my breath the whole way. I know, I'm nice.

Then, I walk into Relief Society, and I get another visiting teaching assignment. Now I love visiting teaching, I really do. I didn't use to, but it's something that I've developed a deep love for over the past few years. My one hangup is my kids. I hate taking my kids with me (I love my children, but my kids and visiting teaching are like oil and water), and so in most cases, I need to make arrangments for Bryan to watch them while I go, and being the Gabby Princess that I am, I'm usually gone about an hour per visit. Not a huge time commitment by any means, but a commitment.

When I got called to be a visiting teacher in this ward, me and my companion had two ladies. It was very small, but honestly, SO nice. Making appointments was simple...and it was a welcome break to visit with ladies in my neighborhood I may not have otherwise gotten the opportunity to know as well. Then in May, my companion was called away for six months on an emergency mission to Nauvoo to help in the temple there with her husband. I was sad for her to leave...she is so so so cute and a surrogate grandma to me, but a small part of me was a little enthused that I had one less schedule to worry about for a few months. A short time later, another friend of mine was added to my route for me to visit. Again, so glad, because I really like this person, and I don't know if I would have been assertive on my own to get to know her better. So today, I get my new list, and they had added yet another woman (I now have 4). Again, it's someone I am excited to get to know better, but I admit it...I wanted to bawl. Last month, there was one of my ladies I didn't make it to go see, and not a day went by that I didn't feel horribly guilty, and here they are giving me another one?! And I'm supposed to have a baby soon?! Seriously, when I write it down, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but for some dumb reason, I was struggling.

The lesson in Relief Society was really good. It was about charity, and just how being aware of others' needs is so much more than just a good hearted recommendation...it's a commandment. It made me think a lot about different relationships, and what I can do to improve those relationships...it was very thought-provoking, and I felt like I was taught one-on-one by the Spirit. It was good to be reminded to get out of my own self-absorbed bubble...thanks Amy :)

In Sunday school, we had a wonderful lesson on adversity and the Liberty Jail. It was engaging, and I was getting a lot out of the comments from the class and the teacher's commentary. Considering the subject matter, I was feeling surprisingly good. Then, the teacher asked this sweet older woman in our ward to get up and share her story. This woman's life has been fraught with trials and adversity, yet she is one of the happiest most upbeat people you will ever meet...like a female Job with more zing and pep. I was doing fine and feeling good, and then she started talking about how many years ago she lost her new baby girl...I think she was either stillborn or died shortly after being born (beginning of not doing fine). Then she spoke about how her husband died out of the blue a short time later, leaving her with I believe it was 6 little kids (more not-fineness coupled with weepiness). Then she spoke about how at the time that he died she wondered what kind of a future she would have with her children...how could she have a future with him gone (full-on bawling session at this point), but that as she has looked back at different points of her life, she has commented to her deceased husband how "I am having a great future, George, sorry I'm enjoying it without you." She's so cute. But for some reason, I don't know why or what, but I could not stop bawling...the uncontrollable sobbing kind. I had to leave and walk around the block to get control again. So annoying. I kept thinking of all the things I can't do without Bryan, especially right now. Dumb things like turning on the stupid sprinklers, painting the trim of the house, finishing the patio roof, fixing the dumb pond pump, taking the kids on dangerous bike rides that only a Dad can do, and so so so many more things. We won't even go into the more substantial stuff.

Then tonight, I was sitting here, working on a little project, listening to Bryan sleep, when I realized how old we've both become (Bryan turns 32 tomorrow). We used to love having people over to play games or go visiting. Now, it's like a game of survivor to see who can make it in the best mood until the kids' bedtime so we can have brownies and ice cream :) We are no longer the "fun ones." We are old boring people, and again, that just makes me so so sad. I just realized I suppose, in conjunction with Sunday School, that even though in most ways, my life is so much better than what I had planned for myself as a young adult/teenager, it's also very different. It's not like I don't still have tons of hopes and dreams, I do...but I'm realizing I need to come up with different hopes and dreams to conform to our reality. Tough realizations for someone like me that likes to plan ahead and dream big.

I have no idea why all of this would have hit me so hard today...I can't imagine a worse feeling, unless of course those fears came true, and I'm not about to attempt to imagine how that would feel.

I'm not a pessimist, and I'm doing so much better at not dwelling on things I have no control over...so why today??? Yuck, yuck, and double yuck! All I can say, is in the unlikely event that all or any of those crappy things happened, I really doubt I could handle it, and since we are promised we won't be given more than we can handle, I should be home free :)

I just need to go watch a good, mindless, happy, feel good movie to fill my sleepy head with nothing but sugar plums, and happy endings. Three Amigos anyone :)

After Pics - Zerin & Liah's Rooms

I just realized I forgot to do the rest of the before and afters of our house. Here's what Liah and Zerin's room looked like last February when we started our construction process. This is the driveway before we started cleaning and of course digging...










Fast forward to today...

I got all the vinyl lettering from www.mytreehousetreasures.com. She is awesome and helped me custom design every saying/scripture (I did 8!). I love how they turned out :).

For Liah's room, I wanted something that she and Belen wouldn't necessarily outgrow for a while, so on one wall, I did the YW values, and this awesome "Who's Your Hero?" poster of Queen Esther.



The shelf in the corner is an old one I had that I repainted, but I added some knobs that my Grandpa Hugie made a long time ago (remember those glass grapes everyone used to have???) He made those and knobs and sold them for a while as a side job, and I was able to get a few to use in my kids' rooms. I am going to hang the girls' blessing dresses from them. The bedding on Belen's bed was supposed to be made by me, but I pooped out and found this cute treasure at Kid to Kid instead. It's way cuter than what I would have ended up with, so I'm good with it.











The bed is actually a canopy bed, minus the canopy, that I got when I was 3. I repainted it and am in the process of figuring out what to do with the top. I got the dresser from a friend a few months ago, and just got around this weekend to repainting it and refinishing the drawer pulls. I think it turned out cute :)






For Zerin's room, I found this super cool loft bed on ksl.com for super cheap (it was an IKEA one). Zerin loves to "collect" things, so it was nice to eliminate the under-bed stashing area, and simulateously open up his room a bit more.

He has two portraits in his room (you can see one) that were drawn by Bryan's brother, Andy of President Hinckley and Joseph Smith.







I picked this scripture for his wall because it shows where his name comes from. The shelf below it has all of his Book of Mormon prophet toys on it.










He also has two "Who's Your Hero?" posters: this one of Helaman and the 2000 Stripling Warriors, and the other of Joshua and the Battle of Jericho (that's on the back of his door). Bryan and Zerin also worked in April together to build and paint this bookshelf together, so that's kind of fun.

Gluten-Free Stuff

So with Bryan's allergies, and also his nephew's celiac, we have learned to cook a little differently here. I admit, at first, it was literally painful. Everything I cooked tasted like cardboard mixed with straw, and Bryan was craving pizza and hamburgers every day...it broke my heart. But somewhere along the way, we figured things out a bit better, and today, it's not such a big deal anymore (except at Christmas time when there's all that yummy food around all the time, but I'm still working on that one).

When I did this mini-enrichment night on Tuesday, I actually geared it towards all allergies and intolerances, and came up with a pretty good list of things and ingredients to avoid if you are cooking for someone with these issues for the major allergies (diary, corn, wheat, soy, peanut, tree nut, egg, and Celiac disease). If you want a copy, leave a comment with your email and I'll send it to you. I'll also send you more recipes if you are interested. I put a couple of them in the last post.

Ironically, after all of my preaching about being sensitive to other's food needs, I completely blew off the dairy allergy, and my beautiful carrot cake that I made...I made it with cream cheese frosting, so three of the people that came couldn't have any. I'm awesome, but I'm blaming it on my pregnant brain :)

One of the things I learned that night, was about Blue Chip. They sell gluten-free products in bulk, and their prices are very reasonable. I'm excited to have some food storage for Bryan finally. They are in Salt Lake at 432 West 3440 South, phone is 801.263.6667, and their website is www.bluechipgroup.net.

The cook book we use the most is the Gluten-Free Gourmet, by Bette Hagman. But one of the ladies that came told me about this other one she SWEARS by (and by the taste of the blueberry muffins she made from one of the recipes in the book, I do too now). It is called 1000 Gluten-Free Recipes by Carol Finster. I'm excited to go get it and see how they turn out.

Gluten-Free Recipes

Taco Seasoning Mix

USU Extension

Ingredients:

2 tsp	Minced onion
1 tsp	Chili Powder
½ tsp	Cumin
½ tsp	Red Pepper flakes
¼ tsp	Italian Seasoning
½ tsp	Garlic Powder
1 tsp	Salt
½ tsp	Cornstarch (I only add this if I am making tacos, if just using as a seasoning, you can leave this out.)

To Use:

For Tacos: In a large skillet, sauté 1 lb ground beef, drain fat. Stir in 1 taco mix and ¾ cups water. Bring to a boil; reduce heat. Simmer 15 minutes, stir occasionally. Spoon meat into shells.

For seasoning: Mix together, and store in Ziploc or Tupperware.

Easy Mexi-Rice

Kathryn Grubbs …takes 20 minutes beginning to end!

Ingredients:

2	Boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cubed
1 packet	Taco Seasoning (some of these may contain gluten, I use my own mix)
2 cups	Salsa
2 cups	Water
2 cups	Instant Rice
1 can	Black beans, rinsed and drained
2 cups	Cheddar cheese, grated
1	Avocado, cubed
To Taste	Sour Cream

Directions:

1. Add chicken, taco seasoning, salsa and water. Bring to a boil, cover, and low boil for 10 minutes.

2. Add rice and beans, cover, and boil for 5 minutes.

3. Allow to sit for 5 minutes. Serve with cheese, avocado, sour cream, and tortillas if desired.

GF Zucchini Chocolate Cake

Celiac.com – Scott Adams

Ingredients:

1 stick	Butter
1 T	Shortening (I always use butter for soy allergy)
1 ½ cups plus 3 T	Sugar
2	Jumbo Eggs
1 cup	Unsweetened pureed fresh zucchini (I also substitute applesauce if zucchini is out of season)
1 ½ cup	GF Flour (any kind)
½ cup	Unsweetened cocoa powder
½ tsp	Xantham Gum
¼ tsp	Salt
1 tsp	Baking powder
1 tsp	Baking Soda

Directions:

1. Cream butter, shortening and sugar. Then add eggs and beat well

2. Add to remaining ingredients and beat until smooth.

3. Bake in greased and floured 8x8 quare baking pan at 350 for 45 minutes.