Have you ever noticed how life has a way of redefining what you believe your limits to be? Adding to that insight is the added depth the scripture found in Mosiah 4:27 "...for it is not requisite that a man should run bfaster than he has strength."For example...when I was expecting Zerin, I remember whining, a lot. Bryan really remembers me whining, a lot. But I worked up until the day before I had him, and I was uncomfortable, but it really was a breeze of a pregnancy.
With Liah, I was 4 months pregnant when I was called into the Young Women's Presidency, seven months pregnant when I went to camp, and 7 1/2 months pregnant when I was called to be President. I am sure it was one of many blessings I experienced while serving in this capacity, but I don't remember feeling yucky until after camp, and even then, again, I know I complained a lot to Bryan about how I felt, but I also know it wasn't bad...at all.
While pregnant with Aeden, I was still in Young Women's, and I
remember feeling the effects a lot earlier and a lot more prevalently than I did with Liah or Zerin, but still...looking back, it wasn't that bad.Asher was a different story somewhat. It had been an extremely stressful year both from dealing with my brother and all that came with that, and then a lawsuit, and on and on. I whined so so so much during that pregnancy, and though I know much of the yuckiness I felt was emotional, it manifested itself physically as well. That was the first time I thought quietly to myself, Can I do this again??? But those feelings left quickly after I had him.
This go around, however, has been even more different...I whine a lot still, but for the first time, I feel like I feel yucky enough to actually deserve to whine a little. I am a bit ashamed to admit that I used to really look down on women that complained about being pregnant and constantly whined about how physically miserable they were. Now that I have joined their ranks, I suppose a little humble pie is in order. It's one way to learn empathy I suppose :) In a way, I feel like I may go into labor at any moment, and I've never really physically felt that way (I've verbally hoped that I would, but I've never had any physical signs to validate those hopes). But last night, I really started thinking I might be taking a drive to McKay-Dee. Today, luckily, things are much calmer, so I'm hoping it was a fluke and we can ride this out for a few more weeks.
Anyways, the point is, I would never have thought I could have handled a pregnancy where I felt like this as much as I have, for as long as I have. I never thought I could handle spending most of my day sitting. I never thought I could be a nice person while being in a fair amount of pain for most of the day (can I just tell you how much this has made me appreciate Bryan?). And I certainly never thought I could deal with the unknown of an unscheduled birth. But as all signs are pointing to the latter actually happening, I'm dealing with it, and I haven't imploded or anything like that...another sign Heavenly Father knows what I can handle better than I do. If I do work up the courage to go through this another time, I'm sure I'll look back on this short moment I'm going through now and think, "what a wimp!" :)
5 comments:
I'm so sorry you have had such a yucky pregnancy. I also ate some humble pie with my last pregnancy. Four pregnancies had done a number on my body and I was so uncomfortable day and night and then I went OVER DUE. I had never experienced that and I seriously felt like I was going crazy... seriously.
The end is near. A pregnancy is very taxing on our body and if we don't do things to replenish it and build it back up between pregnancies you really start feeling the lack of resources with each additional pregnancy. I failed to replenish and rebuild and felt the lack of resources. But still, looking back...can't offer much complaint for the ease of pregnancy I enjoyed. Some women really suffer...dehydration, hospital stays, puking for the whole pregnancy, ordered bed rest. Hang in there!
I am so sorry you're miserable right now. You can and will get through this! And no, you're not a whimp. Pregnancy is not easy and is different each time. My two pregnancies were nothing alike and they were both easy in some ways and really hard in others. The last few weeks are always BRUTAL! I remember not being able to sleep at all the last few weeks with Dylan. I couldn't get comfortable no matter what I did - but then I was HUGE by the end. :) I always say that you have to get super big and uncomfortable or you'd never think giving birth was an easier alternative than staying pregnant. Take it easy and don't beat yourself up. And yeah, good scripture to remember no matter where we're at in life. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm with ya... as far as the physically being exhausted and wondering if you can handle this or not... But on the days that I have a little extra energy, I know it's beause Heavenly Father is nudging me saying "you can handle this"
I really enjoyed this post and needed to read it so thank you very much for sharing your thoughts.
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