As a little girl I had m
any dreams for what I wanted to be when I grew up. Many of these career aspirations would come and go with the changing seasons: a professional ice skater, a guitarist and drummer for a rock band like my dad, an astronaut (until I realized I get motion sickness and I am afraid of heights), a special ed. teacher, a floral shop owner...the list goes on and on. But the one thing that never changed was my inner yearning to be a mother.
any dreams for what I wanted to be when I grew up. Many of these career aspirations would come and go with the changing seasons: a professional ice skater, a guitarist and drummer for a rock band like my dad, an astronaut (until I realized I get motion sickness and I am afraid of heights), a special ed. teacher, a floral shop owner...the list goes on and on. But the one thing that never changed was my inner yearning to be a mother. Like with any career, preparation began early. I made lists and books of philosophies on rearing my children, activities to do with my children, names for my children, and more. It was definately not a situation that I just fell into. Bryan and I had similar wants and wishes regarding starting our family, so it was a choice we went into knowingly and purposefully, though perhaps with a measure of innocence and blind faith. I took classes both from community and college trying to better prepare myself for the gargantuan task of helping little souls to learn. So that being said, you can imagine how this article in the Deseret News today affected me.
I remember when Sister Julie Beck delivered her talk in the LDS October 2007 Confe
rence exactly how I felt. There are very few times I have felt the Spirit as stong as I did during her address. I downloaded it the next day, and listened to it over and over, trying to let the words sink more fully in...desparately wanting to be the mother of whom she spoke. I was saddened to hear a short time later of those who were up in arms over her words. I was sad for Sister Beck, but even more sad for those women who were seemingly so intelligent, yet who apparently lacked an understanding of not only her words, but more importantly, how deeply God loves each of His daughters, and the great, divine mission he has for each of them.
rence exactly how I felt. There are very few times I have felt the Spirit as stong as I did during her address. I downloaded it the next day, and listened to it over and over, trying to let the words sink more fully in...desparately wanting to be the mother of whom she spoke. I was saddened to hear a short time later of those who were up in arms over her words. I was sad for Sister Beck, but even more sad for those women who were seemingly so intelligent, yet who apparently lacked an understanding of not only her words, but more importantly, how deeply God loves each of His daughters, and the great, divine mission he has for each of them. Bryan had a conversation with a few of his coworkers last year where they were basically blasting stay at home moms with all sorts of nice labels. He listened for a long while, then asked them if they thought they were any more intelligent than his wife? They of course laughed and said no. "Well, my wife gave up her career, and chose to stay home with our children, so from what you are saying, that makes her not intelligent, and that just isn't true." Man, I love my husband :)
I have no right to comment on someone else's life circumstances and why they may choose to or choose not to stay home with their children. Every circumstance is different, every family unique. I believe in modern day revelation from our church leaders, and I am 110% convinced that Sister Beck's talk was inspired, and needed to be heard. As I have listened to it again and again, I always come away with an even more fervent desire to become the mother of my dreams and just go for it with all my heart, might, mind and strength. It has served as a call to arms, and I have it permanently saved in my mp3 player for those moments when I need a reminding as to how vital this everyday, seemingly insignificant work I am doing is.
Being a mother is nothing like what I thought it would be, but so much more than I ever thought it could be. It isn't dressing in Old Navy while your baby wears Baby Gap pushing the super cute stroller with your hair done perfect on your way to lunch with all your friends smiling and laughing in a vomitless world of poopless diapers (though, if I'm honest, I think that is what I expected in the beginning). This job has pushed me to physical, spiritual, mental and emotional limits...testing the very breaking point of my soul at times. It is the hardest, most challenging, rewarding, gut wrenching, blissful thing I have ever done and will EVER do. My hat is off to mothers who can (and sometimes must) work outside of the home while trying to balance a family...I know that is outside of my realm of ability, and I hope I never have to figure out how they do it.
I would never go up to a woman in the workplace and berate or belittle her for choosing a career. Why then, do some women who work feel it appropriate, and in some cases, their responsibility, to help us stay at home mothers see the err of our ways of not choosing a career. I could definately do more outwardly impressive things in the workforce than I do at home, but I am happy with, and so grateful for my choice and opportunity to stay home with my children. I can think of nothing I could do that will change the world more....
7 comments:
You should be a public speaker! I mean really - why are you staying at home and wasting your talent?! (just kidding!!) I totally agree with you! I too remember Sister Beck's talk. I was in the conference center when it was delivered. I remember feeling like "trouble is coming with this one" but at the same time, guilty for not being the type of mom that I know the Lord wants me to be - so I was so glad that she gave that address. I appreciate your words - they brought back memories of that day and of how we each make our choices. GREAT JOB!!
You are so AWESOME! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on such an important career choice for Heavenly Father. I do see many women balance family and career and they make it work and I admire them for it but at the same time, hope I never have to figure out how to juggle that one. Family comes first is the biggest message and that comes wrapped in all kinds of packages. It is most definately the MOST difficult yet MOST rewarding thing I have ever embarked on. I should get that downloaded too. I remember that talk and remember thinking that I fall short and should get my act together and push myself a little harder remembering the trust that has been put in me to raise these little spirits (well I think they just ALL come with BIG spirits these days and strong WILL, and stubborness, etc. :)) OOPS, would ya' look at that book...I'll hush up now.
I loved Sis. Beck's talk too and I don't think it's a single bit controversial. What could be more valuable than a child and therefore what could be more worthwhile than doing everything within your power to raise him the best way you can? I think all the moms I know, working outside the home or not, feel this way, but it is sad that society in general doesn't always. Since when did it become ok to put an adult's needs over those of an innocent, vulnerable, and needy child's?
-Laura
I just re-read her talk (thanks for posting a link, by the way) and I'm still baffled as to why people freaked out about it. Yes, she talks about women's role in the home and as a mother, but I really don't see anywhere that she says you can't work outside the home and if you are, you are not only a bad woman, but a bad mother. The Lord knows our circumstances. He knows we're faced with tough choices and that we do the best we can. We as mothers, however, still have the responsibility to nurture, teach, and be an influence for good to our families. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it. :)
I've been in both worlds, although I've never worked full time since my kids were born. Just working part time off and on has been a huge challenge. Stretching one income has been quite the struggle. I actually just gave my notice with a huge leap of faith that things will work out. Even though I was working from home, it was very difficult to juggle both worlds. I refused to let my children suffer so my own sanity was what I felt slipping. I, too, take my job as a Mommy very seriously. It is WAY more difficult than any job I've ever had. You don't always get rewarded for a job well done and it often takes longer to see the fruits of your labor. But I agree, it is more rewarding than anything I could choose to do. You are right though. I wish women would stop criticizing each other one way or the other and just try to understand that life is hard and we should all be working to support each other emotionally. I have worked here and there to make up the difference in a tight social worker's budget, but have never had to leave my kids 40 plus hours a week. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. I realize Sister Beck's need to talk to women about this subject though. Although I value my contribution to the workforce, I think society not appreciating and understanding the importance of moms has lead to the need to remind us how important it truly is. It's easy to forget sometimes and I appreciate her talk and her desire to boost women and help us know how valued we are. Sorry to ramble...hopefully this makes sense.
Wow! How inspiring! :) I can't wait to be a mom, but it's not my time yet. Your kids are so lucky to have an awesome mom! I hope they find this post one day and see how you feel about your role as their mother! You are amazing! And so are your kids! You are doing a great job!
Ditto on all the compliments your way. You are amazing, Tiffany! Your attitude about life has always been inspiring to me. You find the good in everything. Thank you for voicing that so beautifully! I agree completely!
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