I'm now a little more than 10 weeks along. According to my blog entry from Belen's pregnancy, my morning sickness should be starting to ebb in the next 2 or 3 weeks. I'm such a wimp when it comes to feeling yucky, I don't know how my friends that are sick their entire pregnancies do it. And I really don't know how Bryan does it day in and day out (being sick, not being pregnant :)). He has been working so hard to take care of me and make it easier on me...all while feeling miserable himself. He is amazing, and I am just so blessed.
He has been working 3 1/2 jobs for the past couple of months on top of all of this. He is so hard on himself about not providing well enough for his family, but I cannot think of anyone I would rather have as a role model for my boys about working hard and providing...and for my girls about the kind of person to look for in a husband. This marks our 4th year trying for a principalship. In the movie Rudy, it took him 4 attempts to make it into Notre Dame, so I keep telling him this is our Rudy year :) We will be so happy to get hired wherever, but I won't lie, I won't be broken hearted if he doesn't get hired at Davis. He has wonderful friends and collegues here, and has formed some life-long relationships. But even my loyalty has it's limits, and the district has gone above and beyond to test the limits of that loyalty these last 2 years. We'll just have to see what happens.
It's funny how the older I get, the more fearful I become. With my first 3 kids, I wasn't scared at all (okay with Zerin I was pretty terrified about labor and delivery, but that's different right?). Asher there was a lot going on, and I just didn't think I could do everything. Belen brought different issues. And this baby has by far been the one that has left me feeling the most overwhelmed. Our Bishop directed us to a talk in December's Ensign entitled "Fear Not" by Elder Ted Callister. Our Bishop is such a kind man, and I was touched he was in tune enough to mention it to us. We have been blessed to have some wonderful men as Bishops over the years, but I can honestly say I have never felt such unconditional, sincere love from a Bishop before. His care and concern have really blessed our lives these last few weeks.
I am trying hard to remember that we want Heavenly Father in charge...we want Him directing our path...wherever that path leads. Bryan put my feelings into words when he said that he has no doubt everything will work out the way it's supposed to. He has no doubt we are where we are supposed to be and that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing. The sadness and fear come from the possibility that God's will may be to have this be our permanent situation rather than a momentary hiccup on our path to our dreams. It's scary and frustrating to think that everything we have hoped, dreamed and worked for our whole married life (and longer) just may not be what Heavenly Father wants for us. I am learning to be okay with that, but I won't lie, it's hard. But hard is good, and like Sister Tanner said, "I can do hard things!"
Enough of that, here is a funny story about my little boys. Every morning, I hear Aeden calling to the bottom bunk "Asher! It's morning time...time to wake up!" Asher usually begrudgingly rolls out of bed and follows Aeden to the kitchen. This morning went a little differently than usual. Asher had gone to bed early last night (he wasn't feeling the best), so he woke up just after 6. Bryan said he heard him calling to Aeden from his bed "Aeden, it's morning! It's morning...wake up Aeden!" Then, with his eyes still closed, Aeden says "Are you feeling better Asher?" It wouldn't be so funny to me, but Aeden is usually a little antagonistic towards his younger siblings, so it warmed my heart to know that, at least in a semi-conscious state, he really does care about his little brother :)
For Asher's birthday last week, we took him to a little play place by our home. It is right next door to where Bryan's Mom is serving her mission. So while I was paying for the kids, Bryan ran next door with them to say hi to grandma and got this cute picture.
3 comments:
It's amazing to me how often your thoughts mimic my own. We really should still be neighbors, you know. ;) Like that test that Marcos took and failed, and took again and failed...well, he graduated what will be eight years ago this May and he still has that one stupid test that's just hanging over our heads all the time. I read the same Ensign article and was so touched by it. It's pretty much how I feel all the time. I am in a constant state of fear to one degree or another. It's one thing to hope for a miracle here or there, but to feel like your whole existence depends on them is a bit frightening. I really appreciate your thoughts so thanks for sharing them. It helps me reflect and focus on my own.
No, we should be neighbors! :) I'm sure Brian's checked out Ogden schools, but really, they are good. Ogden Prep Academy only has one principal that shuttles between both schools so maybe he could call there? I don't know, no pressure. But Ogden has affordable housing...
Bryan's actually already applied at Ogden...and Weber, and Granite, and Canyons, and Salt Lake, and (I can't remember the rest) :) We'll just see where this crazy road takes us, but you would BOTH make the bestest neighbors...again :)
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