Sometimes, the answers seem far too simple. In John 9, the Savior took pity on a man who was blind, put a poltice of mud on his eyes, and then told him to wash in the Pool of Siloam. After the man obeyed, his eyes were healed, and he could see.
I used to think I was one of those faithful people that if I was told to do something, no matter how simple or trivial it may seem, I would do it out of sheer obedience. Now, I catch myself not wanting to do certain things because they are too easy, and too simple, and those things couldn't possibly solve my problems. If I had been in that man's shoes, I probably would have stayed blind because I wouldn't have believed that such simple measures could heal me. I am dumb, it's true.
Pray, study your scriptures, pray, study your scriptures...that seems to be the number of the day lately. I know there is power associated with those things, but I am tired. I was doing so good for a while, praying, reading my scriptures almost mostly regularly...I was even attending the temple once a week. Then things hit a new low. Usually, that's an impetus for me to work harder, but this time, it just deflated me. So I eased up, and things calmed down, but I felt worse. I prayed prior to conference to get some answers on how to deal with things better. Elder Holland's talk helped...there were lots of good talks. Then came Elder Eyring's talk. When he said he had prayed to know what the members of the church needed to hear, I sat up straighter, listened even more intently. I knew I was about to get my answer. It was a very good talk, and I want to listen to it again. He and his wife wanted to follow the counsel to pay off their mortgage and get out of debt, so they followed up on a property they had had for sale for some time, and were able to sell it for the exact amount they still owed on their mortgage. I shamefully admit that it made me pretty mad. It felt like he was saying, 'Because we're righteous, we just had to pray, and the heaven's opened and answered our prayer right away....what's wrong with you Tiffany???' I would LOVE to get out of debt, I would LOVE to obey the prophet's counsel in regards to our finances, but last I checked, I don't have valuable real estate lying around in the California area. In fact, I am still paying on a loan for our home that sold that we lost money on.
It's just frustrating. I want to do the right thing, but I am so frustrated at not seeing any results. I'm tired of barely scraping by all the time. It's not like we're sitting on our duffs expecting miracles...Bryan has 8 years of college behind him, he's working 2 1/2 jobs, I'm working one little job, plus trying to take care of our home and our little family...doesn't that count as trying???
I keep catching myself wishing that someone will just show up on my doorstep (after I've cleaned of course) and just fix everything...Bryan, our finances, my stupid prideful heart...fix it all :) So if you're out and about, and you feel like performing a miracle, come on over. No? Well, I guess I'll just have to pick up my scriptures tonight and see what happens. :)
And to the 3 people who still read this blog, sorry for once again ranting. Tomorrow will be better :)
11 comments:
I felt the EXACT same way when I heard this story. Yes, it would be handy to have some valuable real estate, but we don't have any backup resources like that!! I know that Elder Eyring would never mean to offend, and it is super cool that they were able to pay off their mortgage. For the rest of us though, we will just keep doing our best and hope no major financial crises come that do us in. :) However, I have had instances where we have had what we needed when we needed it too, just not as dramatic as paying off our house...
I keep wishing someone would leave me an unexpected inheritance! LOL!
Did you write this as proxy for me? Seriously. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I know I'm supposed to say, "hang in there! It'll get better!" but I'm wondering how I can say that to you when I don't really believe it anymore myself.
I thought the same thing when Elder Eyring spoke of selling his California property! My good husband had to remind me that the point of the talk was that we need to continue to do our best & pray for the help we need. I know this doesn't pay your bills or make life easier at the moment, but I hope it helps you to know that not too many people receive such dramatic financial blessings! Most of the people I know are sort of in the same boat as you! Hang in there my friend.
Looks like you have more than three readers/followers :)
I am sorry Tiff, I wish we were around for any kind of leaning family does on each other.
HA! I remember thinking the same thing, as well. I don't have a property lying around to sell that would be worth the amount of the loan against our home. :) I think we are asked to just do what we can. If you see a way to pay a little extra on a debt then proceed. If you're already doing all you can then keep doing it. Answers rarely are the same from one person to another. Just keep plugging along...God loves you and KNOWS you, your struggles, your hopes, your desires. We love you too.
Thanks for your post my friend. I think that from the comments you've received that you can see that many of us are in a similar boat and feel the same - we all just choose to deal with things in different manners. Scraping by is no fun for sure but in the last year I've been able to see how scraping by has brought our family closer together as we've been forced to find things that we can do on a budget we've in turn been forced to build stronger friendships and bonds of love. Hang in the there.... I know you know this, but the Lord does love you and your little family!
Amen, amen and amen. I know how you feel. Cameron has 10 years of schooling, a Master's degree, and we are still scraping by, paycheck to paycheck, if that. I know how you're feeling, especially on this subject. It is many a night that I have talks with Heavenly Father asking what more can I do? Just count the blessings I do have, I guess. You're doing great. It's hard, I know. Just know that some of us know what you're feeling and talking about and sometimes you just have to rant and that's okay!
I don't like simple either, because in fact it is hard. It's hard to find time, money, patience and I'm tired. I think that it where I'm at. I'm just tired. Tired of trying to do everything and not really seeing the benefit of it...yet. I know deep, deep, deep down that that one little yet keeps me holding on and knowing that someday it will be worth it. Keep going Tiffany, blessings abound and they may not be the ones we think we want, but imagine how bad life would be if the blessings we had were gone.
Apparently you have more than three readers...and they all seem to have felt the same way that you and I both felt during that conference talk. I am horrible about everything online anymore, but I do try to read here and there and I can ALWAYS relate to what you are saying. I usually don't comment because I know I have nothing profound or eloquent to add. I can definitely relate to the financial part of what you are experiencing. Marcos took his test again (remember the test I wrote about last year) and didn't pass again. Yet another potential raise down the drain. He found a part-time job, but it's far away and we're not sure how often he'll get called in. So now it's a question of whether or not to move, if the part-time job really was a good decision, etc. And the medical bills this year were much bigger than we anticipated, not to mention all the unexpected summer expenses we are dealing with still (like the swamp cooler breaking down and car repairs). I have no idea how we're going to pay everything off or how long it will take. All the problems with Preston often make me just break down and sob. It's exhausting and frustrating and scary for me to not know why he learns so differently or how to even begin to help him. Undiagnosed problems. I've been praying and reading and praying and reading just like you...and nothing. It's so discouraging! I'm sure there is something I'm supposed to learn from this, but I have no idea what. I seriously had a breakdown the past week and went so far as to tell the YW president that I probably shouldn't give the combined lesson in November because I have nothing good to say to them. Horrible, right? How is it possible that the Lord doesn't hear me when I cry out to him? It's been a rough patch for me spiritually for sure. I wish I knew what to say, but unfortunately all I can say is I can empathize and I am so sorry you are dealing with everything that you are dealing with right now.
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