So, usually I don't blog about TV shows, but this one was more like watching my own movie of life, than just a TV show, so I guess it's forgivable. It is probably a huge mistake to put these two pictures together...I pretty much looked like I had been through a battle after giving birth to Zerin..."I did not look cute!" ;)
So, last night, Jim and Pam had their baby on The Office. It was painful to watch...good painful because I suppose it hit incredibly close to home. No, I didn't nurse someone else's baby, luckily, but the emotions, and the crying, and the non-fairytaleness of having your first child...wow. Give those 2 an oscar because, yeah. Bryan laughed and shook his head through the whole thing...I just ducked and hid under my blanket, trying to resurpress all of those memories.
I think I have spent the last 8 years blocking out many of my irrational thoughts and behaviors, my moodiness, my frustrations, and the panic that set in once I realized that this sweet little baby boy I had just labored for 16 hours to bring into the world was 100% dependant on my abilities to keep him alive. Oh the fear :) Not to mention my "wealth of knowledge" on babies and children. This one is just laughable as I look back at how I thought that I not only KNEW what I was getting into, but how I also knew how to do it better than everyone else and would thus avoid many, if not all of the pitfalls of parenthood. "If I do this, then this WILL happen." hahaha...oh to be young, naive, and STUPID again :) I am just so grateful that I have been able to grow up, at least a little. I don't see the same attitude in most of my friends and family that are in this stage, so I guess I am just extra prideful or something :)
Becoming a Mom was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, but I cannot even tell you how glad I am that I will never again have to be a first time mom again. EVER! I would almost rather repeat high school than go back to that place...and I pretty much hated high school, so there you go.
Every additional day that I am a Mom further solidifies my knowledge that I do not have the answers on how to be the world's best mother like I used to think I did. But I feel confident in knowing that my Heavenly Father did not send me here to fail. And even though it's hard for me to fathom, He loves my children more than I do, and He is always there to guide and direct me in my endeavors to be a good mother to these sweet children He loves so much.
What a blessing and a comfort that is.
3 comments:
I remember some of those feelings too. It is the weirdest feeling going into the hospital with two of you and leaving with three and a whole bunch of stuff (car seat, blankets, diapers, clothes, etc.). I, too, experienced some of the "I'm never going to do that or be like that or have a kid like that" which is why I was blessed to have Dylan join my family first. Humbled me right away! :) The older I get, the more I realize that it is my job to aid them in this earthly process and not just try to make them what I want them to be. So much of who they are is with them before they even get here and that you can't and shouldn't change. Our job is to guide and teach and love and support. But it's difficult to really let go of all the "what I want for you" feelings and just try to parent. But I think it makes for healthier kids who know you are there for them no matter what. Great post! Took me back a good 6 years to my own experiences and made me reflect a bit. So thanks for sharing your experience with the Office last night. I think it's good for all of us to think about.
HAHAHA! Ditto! I don't watch the office but everything else....YEP! I can relate and YEP! wouldn't to do again. EVER!
Love this post, and it makes me want to watch the office! And I bet all your friends who are in the first time mom stage do feel like you did, but maybe just hide it! :) Kids do humble us and teach us more than we thought we wanted to know, huh?
I think you're an awesome mom, Tiff!
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