Pluggin' right along...

My doctor told me today I only have 3 weeks until my next appointment, and after that, I will start coming every 2 weeks! I'm a little freaked out! Even though physically I already feel like I did with the other kids at 8 months pregnant, I am not not not ready!!! Nights are my favorite...I go between having nasty bad charlie horses, and the bottom half of my body going all tingly and numb. The doctor said today that each subsequent pregnancy tends to ride a bit lower. Not sure how that's possible since it feels like she's about to fall out, but he says all is well so I'll take his word for it. Don't let my complaining scare you, I am SO excited, and feel very blessed that Bella is coming. I knew what I was signing on for, and I would do it again in a heartbeat (though after this one, I'm not sure how many more times I will do it again). I really have it pretty easy, I'm just a woman who likes to be comfortable, and there's not much that's comfortable about gaining 40 lbs in 6 months...knowing that another 20-40 are lurking behind the next corner.

Before she comes, I have divided my to-do's into needs, wants, and gets.

I need to get my home organized, and also my life. I need to make Liah some school clothes. I need to make Belen's bedding for her crib. I need to make Asher and Belen's Christmas stockings. I need to figure out halloween costumes, because I can promise I'm not going to want to be doing it 3 weeks after having a baby (granted, the kids may change their minds by then about what they want to be, but oh well).

I want to have our family tree wall done. I want to have the kids rooms more organized and decorated better. I want to get my mom-in-law's christmas present from 2 years ago finished finally (that's a long story!). I want to get thank you cards made in advance so they're ready to go. I want to have birthday presents through December ready and done. I want to get a jump start on Christmas.

I get to work in the garden today...we have lots of squash, tomatoes, eggplants, tomatillos, and peppers starting to come on...so exciting! Gardening is my happy thought. The heat, however, I could do without.

I get to paint Liah's nails today for the 4th of July. I've been promising her a patriotic makeover, so I'm excited to get a little girly with her.

I get to help Zerin with his stamp collection today. He loves sorting and organizing them, so it should be a nice QUIET activity ;)

I get to sing the monkies and the alligators with Aeden today while he sits on the potty, praying that maybe today we can get him to put #2 in the big boy potty. Oh how I would love to get him potty trained!

I get to soak Asher in the tub for an hour tonight...you have never met a little boy who can turn tub water black faster than this little guy. The blacker the water, the better the day :)

The gifts.

This has been a week of gifts. And since time has a way of making me forget, I thought I would write down a few of them so that I don't.

I made it back from Colorado...safely...YAY! The kids were alive when I got here, the house in one piece, and I can now add one more state to my now 8 state repertoire of world travel. I loved Colorado, but it made me more sure than ever that if I can, I want to stay right where I am.

I got to spend some wonderful time with my sis-in-law. It had been a bit of an intense week the week prior so not only was it a huge blessing to be able to use her as my 4 day long distraction, but even more than that, she is an example of the kind of mother and person I want to someday be. She is the get down on the floor in the middle of a messy room and play with your kids kind of mom. A lot of times, I still can't see past the projects and the to-do lists to make time to just enjoy those moments like she does, and that's something I am excited to start trying to do a lot better at this summer with the kids. Another reason I think she's just awesome is that the entire time we were together (and that was a LOT of time, let me tell you) I did not hear one negative thing come out of her mouth about another person. I am a bit more blunt I think in my assessments of others, but she is the kind of person that someone will say at her funeral, and be able to say it with 100% honesty, that they never heard an unkind word about another person leave her lips. Though no one that knows me now will be able to say that about me, I'm looking forward to becoming that person...hopefully sooner than later.

We stayed with a family that had 4 little girls that were my kids' same ages. I was a bit shocked, to put it mildly, at how quiet their house was. I heard 2 meltdowns (minor meltdowns) during the entire time we were there, but their 3 year old didn't have a voice that could rival Ty Pennington on a megaphone either, and I'm sure that made a difference. Even though the peace and quiet was a nice, temporary change of pace, it made me realize how I feel completely incomplete without my children...inadequacies in tow. I deeply missed Aeden's constant loud voice, Zerin's incessant bakugan explanations, Liah's neediness, and Asher being a total momma's boy. I realized, that as many mistakes...big mistakes...as I make, being a mother is my absolute favorite thing that I am, that I do, and it's the one thing that if I mess it up, I won't get over it. I am once again, recommitting myself to doing better in this area.

When I would call Bryan during my trip, I could hear in his voice that he didn't feel well, but he never complained. He always reassured me that he and the kids were fine, taking some of my worry away. When I got home, I realized how much he had been in pain while I was gone, and how much he pushed through just to make it through the day with the kids. When I am not feeling well, it's sometimes all I can do to just survive myself, but with him, he somehow managed to work with the kids, implemented a better routine for them, and took them little places to do fun little things. I have thought many times about the scripture that talks about overcoming the natural man, but until I met Bryan, I don't know if I have watched that with my own eyes. As I become increasingly uncomfortable, irritable, and emotional with this pregnancy, I look at him and realize I have a choice in how I will react, and act during my discomfort, "which thing I had never supposed."

I have been in a constant state of worry about our other home, and this process of getting it sold. We were supposed to hear about the appraisal and the inspection, but when by Friday afternoon I still hadn't heard anything, I decided to call the realtor. I left her a message, and then went about my business. A few hours later, I noticed a voicemail on my phone, and the realtor said that she had emailed me their repair requests. Again, this was the beginning of our lives falling apart during our last sale, so I was braced for the worst. I was shocked to find that all of their requests were not only minor, but within the $200 we had agreed upon. Even though I still won't believe it's done until it is done, it gave me hope. I like having hope, it's nice.

When I got home, I noticed a new dishcloth on our counter. Bryan mentioned it had been left on our window sill Monday morning with a bottle of Joy detergent, but there was no mention as to where it came from, no note or anything. I figured it was just someone who had taken pity on me in my stupidity from last week and was trying to cheer me up. It made me smile, but I wasn't obsessed with trying to figure it out like I usually am. Again, later that night, I heard the phone ring, but we were in the middle of a movie, and I was too lazy to get up, so I let it ring. When I went to bed, I decided to check our messages, just in case. It was this my favorite lady friend from the last post...she was calling to check up on me, make sure I was doing okay, and to let me know that she left the dishcloth, and that the detergent was from her relative....the woman. I balled. How much courage would it have taken for this woman to not only swallow her pride enough to revisit the situation, but then to extend an olive branch like that...it was beyond touching.

I realized then how each and every interaction I have each and every day, be it my sweet husband, my children, or the checker at the grocery store... I have the power to improve upon their lives, or make them harder. I realized a little more deeply than I already explained that everyone has a story... how can we judge, be angry, or even allow ourselves to feel hurt when we don't know that whole story. Someday, probably on the other side because I don't see myself having this much courage in this life, I want to tell this woman she taught me one of the greatest lessons I think I have ever learned (even bigger than the one she was trying to teach me ;) ), and given me two of the greatest gifts I have ever received. Humility for one...and getting one tiny step closer to looking at my fellow man as Christ would...with total, unconditional empathy and love.

"My cup runneth o'er."