Sacrament meeting, I think I have mentioned before, is not a quiet holy time for me to reflect and ponder the atonement. It is a wrestling match, a battle of wills, and a test of endurance that would challenge even the fittest of athletes. It is a time when I try so hard to get my kids to glean knowledge from the experience and consistency of going to their church meetings, while I am simultaneously trying to make sure that others in attendance are able to gain something from the meeting in spite of our family's attendance. So much so, in fact, that I often leave feeling more depleted than when I arrived... messy hair, colored on skirt, and shoeless kids in tow. Don't get me wrong, the kids aren't always bad all at the same time, but with 4 kids...chances are pretty high that at least two of them will be having a moment at any given moment.
Now I have not been to my "normal" church meetings for over 3 weeks. Week one: I had some nasty bronchitis cold thing that made me sound like a 30 year smoker. Week two: the hair episode. Week three: I substituted for leading the music in primary (I survived!!!). So today, well, I'm looking forward to today. Even though I know it will likely be filled with an over-abundance of the crazies leading up to our departure, and a severe case of the wiggles as soon as I sit down with Asher, I realized that even though most weeks I feel like I get next to nothing from what is said by the teachers and speakers, there is a replenishment of my spiritual self that happens, often times so subtle I don't even notice it...until that was, I wasn't getting it.
So bring on the wrestling, the wiggling, the war...I'm ready. :) If I am honest, I think part of this optimism stems from the fact that I just realized I only have one more Sunday before Asher goes to nursery. Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!! :D
6 comments:
By some miracle, I have 20 minutes before I can leave for church. The kids are dressed, dinner is in the crock pot, my lesson is ready, the bag is packed.
I just wanted to say, really quick, that for me, sometimes I will try to test God. Like I' s think, "The prophet said if we read the Book of Mormon as a family we'll get a bunch of blessings. Prove it."
Then we'll read together, night after night, arguing, struggling, going through it, because we're supposed to, but I don't notice any of the glorious blessing God owes me - kids fight, I fight, money sucks ... so, I let it slip, don't make it a priority anymore.
That's when I notice how much God HAD been blessing me. Things fall apart, water heaters, cars, people get sick. It all falls apart and I suddenly realize how much I was being blessed.
SO, what I'm saying - with taking kids to church and just struggling to get something out of it ... I imagine for all the effort and little reward, if you gave up and quit taking the kids to church every week, you would soon see how much impact it did (does) have on your whole family.
Church is a struggle for me, too, every single week (which is why I run away to the temple on Wednesday - no kids ... see Heavenly Father IS smart). But I have faith that it's making a huge difference for me and my kids.
OK - gotta take these guys to church - LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!
Happy Day - love you and your blog! If I can ever help, let me know!
I can really tell when I don't go as well.
I also found that sometimes in between all the chaos some little bit of a talk or the song rings out loud and clear and is for my benefit. It's really all I need, just that little bit that reminds me I am still be looked after myself.
YAY for nursery! Maybe some peaceful spiritual time can happen after next week during the second two hours. Oh, joyous day! Hand in there. You're awesome!
You just described every week with my little Nobo at church. I keep telling myself that he probably seems more noisy, wiggly, etc. to me because he's mine and I'm sitting right next to him, but then people will make well meaning comments about how their kids were "like that too" so I know I'm not just imagining it! I look at all you people with more than one kid and think how amazing you are. So just know that: you are amazing! And you are doing a good job.
-Laura
You have the best attitude! I think just getting to church every week is an accomplishment and you should feel great about do that! You are the best mom!
Wrestling with the kids can be so overwhelming. There are many Sundays that when Sacrament Meeting is over I can't hold back the tears because it is so much fun trying to keep 3 kids quiet and under control all by myself. The last 1 1/2 years have really been a struggle for me with Mike in the bishopric, but it is amazing how at the end of the struggle the closing hymn always fills me with the spirit. And to have felt that but for only a moment gives me strength to get up and do it next week. You are a great mom!! Enjoy the moments when you fill the spirit.
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