April 27, 2014....

Today, we had our Stake Conference which was a regional meeting for most of Davis County at the Conference Center in SLC, Utah.  Bryan has not been doing well, so he wasn't able to go, but I packed up the kids by 8:30 and we took off.

We had to park a few blocks away.  While walking, I noticed a lady talking angrily to a family just in front of us up the sidewalk who also seemed to be heading to the Conference.  When we reached her, she looked angrily at my kids and said, "Are all of these yours?"  I said, "Yep!  Every one of them!"  She barked, "Please tell me you are not having any more."  I said, "I wish I could have more, but sadly we're done."  She then said, "Do the world a favor and stop now."  Then she walked off the opposite direction.  I looked at the family in front of me to see their reaction.  Most of them were smiling, and seemed pretty unscathed.

I started crying.  My poor kids were confused, so I tried to just laugh it off.  It was dumb but here I was, dragging kids through downtown Salt Lake by myself, only to have someone totally berate me and my desires to be a mom.   Anyways, I realized she probably wasn't all there, or had suffered some pretty tragic things to be so bold and cruel to strangers.

So, we made our way to the conference center.  We were seated in the Plaza main floor section, and we made our way to the side where we could see well but be out of the way and hopefully close to an exit in the likely event the kids would need to leave for one reason or another.  We got settled and I sent the kids to use the bathroom and drinking fountain before the meeting began.  I kept Mandalen with me.  A few moments later, a middle-aged couple sat down directly behind our seats (there was no one else by us within a few rows or several seats) so I jokingly leaned back and said, "I'm just warning you, my other 5 kids are coming back from the bathroom in a minute."  The husband kind of half chuckled, but his wife, loudly said, "No!  No! No!"  She then stood up and walked to the aisle, with her husband close behind her.  He gently talked to her for a minute, and then maybe a minute later, they both walked to another part of the room.  I really was stunned.  I felt horrible.  For myself, yes, but also for her.  With everything I have been going through in my own life and with those that I love, I know people are rarely what they seem to be on the surface.  The monsters some of us are fighting are ugly and unrelenting.  Whatever her situation, I just felt bad knowing I had potentially ruined the meeting for her and her husband somehow.

And then the self-pity crept in.  I felt kicked in the gut.  I mean, come on, I was trying to provide my kids with meaningful, spiritual experiences.  We were up early.  I didn't hardly at all get mad at them to get them out the door.  We had good uplifting conversations in the car.  It had been a good morning, in spite of leaving Bryan in a bad state at home.  So why oh why did it have to turn out like this.

Shortly before the meeting began, I had Belen move to the other side of me but she was scared because she didn't know the person sitting next to me.  I explained to him, and he was so cute and told her he was a grandpa, and showed her a picture of his granddaughter that was Belen's same age.  He then went above and beyond and played dolls with her until the meeting started.  Blessing #1.

When Elder Neal A. Anderson got up to speak, the room was a bit noisy from all of the babies and young children.  He said (something like this anyway):  "To all of you mothers of small children.  We typically do not allow children under 8 years of age to attend in the conference center, so if they want to shout and rejoice, let's let them."  Blessing #2

The kids struggled the last 20 minutes, but overall did quite well.

When we were in the van heading home, I asked them what their favorite part was.  Liah first said, "The end."  {sigh}  Zerin piped in and said, "My favorite part was when the whole conference center was singing at the same time.  That was like, wow."  For me that was especially poignant because this was the kid that used to refuse to sing.  Now, without prodding, he sings every song.  and music helped him feel the spirit.  Awesome.

Aeden said he loved when Elder Anderson talked about liking Bountiful and Davis County the very best.  Not exactly what Elder Anderson said, but the awesome thing was that it meant he was listening!!!!!   Awesome.

Belen said her favorite part was seeing that many people (actually she said strangers) who loved Jesus.  Awesome.

And then sweet Liah.  She didn't take her medicine in the morning, so by about 9:30, it was pretty obvious it was going to be a loooooooong day with her.  But she was trying.  Shortly before it was over she couldn't hold still, stop touching her brothers, or a number of other things.  I didn't think there was any chance she had heard anything from the whole meeting.  We had been driving for about 5 minutes, when she said, long after everyone else had given their answers, "I had a favorite part.  I loved when they were talking about the families that learned about the gospel because their friends were brave and invited them to come."  All.kinds.of.awesome.

In spite of everything, or maybe even because of it, I am glad we went.