Hello again!

I have neglected this little part of my universe for the last few months.  So much has happened!  Bryan (sound the trumpets) was hired to be the principal at Hill Field Elementary!  I found myself feeling more relief than anything else, but it is such a long awaited miracle, we are so so very grateful.  It still doesn't seem real :)

I have really hesitated to write this next part because frankly I don't want to talk about it.  But, the feeling keeps coming that maybe something I have gone through may be able to help someone else in a small way so here goes.

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a place where I could write and record all of the beautiful mundane and amazing things that make being a mother such a gift.  I wanted it to be a place not to put on airs of something that I'm not, but rather a place where I could focus on the things that make my life good, and happy.

Don't get me wrong.  Craziness, and difficulties would hit, just like they do to everyone, and I would struggle to find those happy beautiful things as often.  Other times, the daily demands of being a wife and mother kept me from devoting the amount of time I needed in order to properly document those daily joys.  In any event...I slowly slipped out of the habit. 

In January after my surgery, my life took an unexpected turn.  I fell into a huge depression.  That is a big ugly word no one really likes to talk about, but I am trying to wear it like a badge of honor.  Because like it or not, it happened and I think I'm better for it.  For days, I couldn't stop crying.  At one point, I was in the ER because of it.  Finally, two of my very dear friends sat me down on different occasions, and they each let me know I needed help.  I suppose it was obvious, but I'll be honest, I didn't want help.  I didn't want to talk about it.  I didn't want to face it.   I just wanted it to go away, which it obviously wasn't going to do  Long story short, I finally took their advice, and slowly began to start to feel like myself again. 


In any case, it's still a struggle, probably will be for a while I imagine, but I feel like even in those darkest of times I have been enabled to do what I have needed in order to take care of my family.  

Mental illness and disease is a daily part of my family.  I have children and a spouse that suffer from it, and it would appear I am no longer immune either :)  But I guess the point of this is that it's okay.  Yes, it's hard.  Yes, it stinks.  Yes, it's painful.  But discomfort always brings growth, and I have seen so much growth in myself over these last few months.   And since that's kind of the point of this little loveboat excursion called 'life' we're all on, I'm embracing it :)  

I came across this quote from one of Elder Holland's recent talks:

My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. .. On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal." - Jeffrey R. Holland

The last few months has taught me the truth of his words.  I know that in those moments where we are less than whole for whatever reason, we are never left alone.  I have felt the guiding love and influence of angels on both sides of the veil, including those two friends who pushed me to get help.  I think now more than ever we need to remember the quote by Ian MacLaren (which I used to think was attributed to Plato, but apparently not)

 Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.