my Christmas miracle...

On this Christmas Eve, I would like to share a Christmas story...my Christmas story.  And like all good Christmas stories, it ends in a beautifully sweet way.

The year had been a difficult one for our family.  Several medical issues had left our family feeling both physically and financially exhausted.  Through little blessings here and there we were able to squeeze by the past few months.  One month this summer, I made it to the end of the month, thinking we had barely squeaked by, when I realized I had forgotten to turn in our tithing check.  It had been many years since I had gotten behind in my tithing, and I had vowed at the time it would never happen again, so I was sick about it.  Tithing is a blessing to me.  I know I get far more blessings by paying it, than the Lord benefits from our tiny offering, so my obedience is probably somewhat selfish :)

At that same time, my girls and I got sick.  In September, doctor visits and medications took every last cent.   I wasn't able to even dent the amount we needed to pay back, so I decided to talk with our Bishop.  I told him our situation, and explained I was in a situation where I had to choose between tithing and the doctor.  He was quiet for a bit, and then said, "Pay your tithing.  It will work out." 

I admit, I left feeling very nervous, even nauseous :)  but at the same time committed to following his council.  Bryan was blessed to pick up extra classes to teach at the University of Phoenix.  We had hoped to use the money to pay off some of our debts, but we poured every cent towards our tithing.  Finally in mid-November, we finished paying our back tithing.  It was a huge relief and I felt so much peace knowing we had done the right thing.  One week later, the day before Thanksgiving, our car broke down.  It had taken every penny we had to pay off our tithing, and even much of our food budget for the month, so we knew we couldn't get it fixed.  

A few days later, I realized I had grossly underestimated our monthly expenses.  I was sick to my stomach and didn't know what I would do.  Later day that, my mom called out of the blue to check on me.  Not that this is unusual, but her persistence in asking questions was unusual for her.  Finally I relented and told her what was going on.  It felt good to talk about it, and I felt better afterwards.  The next day, I got a text from her to check our account.  I had never given her figures or amounts, but she had deposited an amount that almost to the penny covered our bills.  In an act that was likely more literal than figurative, she gave me the coat off her back asking nothing in return.  It's a blessing and a comfort having a mom like her who loves me so much, taking no thought for herself.

Another blessing was Bryan's dad's truck.  We had intended to buy it after his dad passed away four years ago, but then like now, things kept coming up which made that impossible.  In spite of that, his mother has let us use it as if it were ours.  It's a beautiful truck, a 1976 custom Silverado with less than 40,000 miles...yes that is right, 40,000.  It was his dad's baby, so it didn't seem right to just drive it into the ground like some lousy commuter car, so after a lot of thought, we decided Bryan would take the van to work, while I used the truck for emergencies at home.  It has been such a blessing in so many ways, every time I look out in our driveway, in spite of feeling horrendously guilty that it's uncovered after he kept it so well-preserved for the better part of 20 years, I feel a deep love from Bryan's parents, that love is a gift to me at a time when I really needed it.

I blame it on being preoccupied with the finances, but I had completely forgotten about two appointments, and at the last minute, realized I had no babysitter.  I hate finding babysitters.  I can't pay what I know they are worth and deserve for the time, but I also hate just expecting people to do it for free.  So I did what any mooch would do, I called my sweet mother in law :)  She, yet again, dropped everything and came and saved the day.  Belen was beyond thrilled to get an extra playdate with her Grandma :)

My children have been a source of blessings as well.  When I explained some of the situation to them, Zerin, Liah and Aeden really stepped up, quite literally in fact, by walking to and from school, which is about a mile away up a very steep hill.  We have had neighbors that have offered to take them any time, but it has made me so proud to see them do what it takes to be ready 40 minutes earlier than usual so they can leave and get to school on time.

Our neighbors, Stick and Melba have been so good to our family since we moved here and even way before.  Stick's grandpa is the one who built our home over 135 years ago, so we have a special connection to their family.  On a day when I was really struggling, I went and asked Stick for a blessing.  I felt so much peace after that blessing, I knew things would work out even though at the moment, I couldn't see how it could.  Later that same day, Melba came over with an envelope with enough money to cover our most pressing past due bills...I had not given her any amounts.  She also offered to let us use their van whenever we needed, so we were able to borrow it to get to the kids' appointments in SLC.  They will also make another appearance towards the end of this story.  I still don't have the words to properly thank them for what they have done.

Since Bryan was not been hired in the spring, I knew in May that Christmas was going to be lean, so we had started early accumulating a few little things for the kids.  Thankfully by December we had a good jump on shopping, and were able to finish up our lists pretty quickly.  

One thing you have to know about me though, is not only am I am terrible with numbers, but I am especially bad with money.  I cannot seem to grasp the concept of 1+2=3   I'm trying, but I am pretty lousy at it.  So anyways, I finished our shopping at the beginning of the month, but somehow, I had added incorrectly, and instead of breaking even like I thought I had figured, we actually were several hundred dollars in the negative.  Funny considering I hadn't spent anywhere even close to that on Christmas.  Actually not funny, but interesting :)  In a nutshell, our financial situation was 100% my fault.  I was panic stricken.  We were less than two weeks into the month, and already our money was completely gone with nothing for gas, or food, or even the remaining several bills that were still due, let alone anything extra for the little touches that I had felt were mandatory for a magical christmas for my children (ie.  ingredients for Christmas treats, little Christmas morning treats and gifts, etc.).  I had no idea how I was going to make it work.  

Several days later, we came home from church to find two large boxes:  one of oranges and one of apples.  I cried what Liah calls, 'happy tears'.

A little more than a week ago, after being in torment and constant tears, I called our Bishop.  I knew I could make it through until our next payday in two weeks barely if I could just get 3 gallons of milk, and get one doctor co-pay covered.  He invited me to come see him at 8pm that night.  I couldn't bear to tell Bryan how dire things had become, because he had been working so so hard, day and night, and I knew he would construe this as a failure on his part.  Thankfully, he was teaching that night, so I didn't have to explain anything.  Side note, being the smart guy he is, two days later he figured it out, and was as kind and forgiving as anyone I have ever known.  At about 6pm, our bishop showed up at our door with a large bag of fruit and two gallons of milk that undoubtedly came from his own pocket.  I cried some more :)

That night, as I explained to him, or tried to, he kindly listened.   After it was over, I had a check for the amount of a copay, and a bishop's order for some groceries.  I later found out he was suffering from a case of shingles.  I was incredibly grateful, but I was so so so low.  I felt like a complete and total failure.  I hated myself for the mess I had caused our family.  I hated for having to bother the bishop, especially when he was so ill himself.  It was a sad, dark place.

The next morning, there was a card on our door.  The outside of the card said "Christmas Blessings" and the handwritten message on the inside said "much, much love and prayers."  In the card was a large amount of money.  I sobbed.  I knew where it had likely come from, but not for sure.  With that, I paid another bill, and a heavy weight lifted from my shoulders.

Four more times that happened.  Different cards, different handwriting or no handwriting, large amounts of money.  And this morning, Stick came over with two large boxes of food, and a large sack with gifts for the children.  The money and food paid for all of our remaining past due bills, as well as stocked our cupboards fuller than I think they have ever been.  My heart heaved with gratitude and deep humility for not only the generosity of those who had blessed us so much, but also that my Father in Heaven, in spite of my weakness that caused the situation, in His loving mercy and grace provided manna from Heaven for my family and I through the hands of these people.   There are likely other blessings I am failing to mention since I didn't write them all down when they happened, but the impression this outpouring of love had upon my heart is deep and everlasting.  Each expression of love is part of the bigger miracle.

I don't know if my kids realize, or will remember this Christmas compared to others they have or will enjoy, but it will be one that I can never forget.  I know that these blessings not only came because people are so, so good, but I know they also came because we paid our tithing.  I have a deep, unshakable testimony of the blessings of paying a full tithe.  I know that our Heavenly Father is aware of us, each of us, in an unmistakable, personal, intimate way.  I know this story may not come across as more than just another happy ending, but to me, it has probably been one of the greatest miracles I have ever experienced.   I will never be able to properly express my gratitude, or even convey it to those who have so abundantly blessed my family.  But I pray that one day I can help someone else feel the depth of our Father's love as so many have helped me feel this special Christmas.