Not forgotten...

I was talking with a friend this morning, and she gave me some of the most wonderful advice, I knew I needed to write down my impressions before I forgot.

I told her I was struggling to pray.  Not because I don't have a testimony, because I do.  Not because I don't believe my prayers are heard, because I know they are.  Not because I don't know that it's so important, because I do.  

I struggle because when I have prayed the most fervently the last few years, those prayers have yet to bring the desired results.  I don't feel like I can keep praying for the same things over and over again when it seems apparent my desires are not in line with Heavenly Father's will.  I feel like I'm the little kid going, "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.  MOOOOOOOOM!"  I don't WANT to be that kid :).

For a while I was saying "thank you" prayers, but even they started to sound somewhat empty, and I'm not one for doing things just to go through the motions, so I slowly started slacking off.  I just didn't know what to ask for any more, and I didn't want to seem and sound ungrateful for the many blessings I know to be mine, so  my communication with my Father in Heaven began to atrophy.  

On Sunday, our Relief Society lesson was on President Uchtdorf's "Forget Me Not" talk from the Relief Society General Meeting in September 2011.  I felt so much of that talk was directed right at me when I heard it the first time, but this paragraph hit me with a lot of force this week, 

Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love. - President Uchtdorf

So much of the lesson was about Heaven not forgetting us.  It's a doctrine I know to be true, but it's one of those things that when you are stuck in the proverbial mire, it's easier to just apply it to everyone else.

Anyways  so as I was talking with this friend, and I was telling her how I just couldn't ask Heavenly Father one more time something when His answer was once again just going to be "no" or "not yet."   Her sweet suggestion (and I'm sure if I'm honest I've gotten this advice before) was to change the question.  To ask not that the situation could be changed, but that the hearts and the attitudes of those involved in the situation to change.  That had honestly never occurred to me.  Why, I don't know, but it hadn't.  Maybe because honestly, I can't bear the thought of Bryan never getting better, or him never getting his own school, or my kids having physical or emotional struggles.  But I'm learning to accept those facts, and hopefully letting go of some of my indignation enough to be humble.  And with humility will hopefully come some peace, and the ability to allow Heavenly Father to fix this on His terms, and His timetable...not mine.