A good day to write in my journal...

I don't even know where to begin with this one.  Maybe with a quote, quotes are good.  Jon Bon Jovi said it best when he said, "Miracles happen everyday, change your perception of what a miracle is and you'll see them all around you." (You liked that, didn't you Mom :))  One of my favorite scriptures in 2 Nephi 27:23 says, " For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith."

There is no question we got two of those miracles yesterday.

A little background on the first experience of the day.  My kids walk to school.  It is just over a mile.  There is one busy street they have to cross, but thanks to Bryan, my kids are near experts at watching and waiting for cars...no matter how long it takes.  We have practiced the route with them dozens and dozens of times.  They know what they are doing, especially Zerin.  There is a crossing guard for this street, however he is 3 blocks out of their way.  When they walk or ride by themselves, they go to the crossing guard, but when they are walking with friends, they cross at our street.  A practice that after yesterday, will probably come to an end.  Just before 2, I was waiting for Zerin and Liah to come home (they rode their bikes).  I was on the phone when they came through the door, but I hurried and hung up after seeing Liah's face.  She was hysterical. 

As they were crossing this before-mentioned street, they had waited to cross and a car had stopped for them.  They still waited for a couple seconds before beginning to cross just to make sure they could really go.  When Liah was safely on the other side, and Zerin was just about to the curb, a blue car came from behind, without slowing, and plowed into the lady who had stopped, destroying both cars.  The kids rode home and told me what had happened, so I loaded up the kids and we quickly drove to the accident.  The blue car was totalled, and the lady driving was bleeding and unable to get out of her car.  My sweet neighbor took the little kids and Liah (who was convinced the police were going to arrest her because the accident was all her fault) while I went with Zerin to give his statement .  The lady who stopped for the kids was truly my angel that day.  I just kept apologizing, and telling her how sorry I was, and she just said,  "I really feel like I was supposed to be here right now.  We've got insurance, we've got other cars, we're fine.  And you have your kids."  Who says that after just getting their car smashed in? 

The paramedics took the lady in the blue car away in the ambulance, but they came and told us that she should be just fine, and made it a point to tell both kids they were not going to jail, and that they had done nothing wrong.  The lady who was hit even came and hugged Liah and told her she wasn't mad, and that she was just so so so glad she was safe.  Why didn't I get this woman's name and number???

When I was in my accident 13 years ago, the force from that accident pushed me across a lane of traffic and up a hill.  This woman's car who stopped for my kids did not move.  The damage to my car was far less severe than it was to this little blue car.  This was not a coincidence, this was not luck.  This was a miracle in every sense of the word. 

On to the second miracle of my day.  In the middle of June, I wrote the following letter to a doctor Bryan saw over 5 years ago.  After several weeks of not hearing back, I gave up on him.

Dear Dr. Anderson:



I am writing in part to thank you, but also to again ask for your help. Several years ago, my husband, Bryan, came to you as a last-ditch effort to get to the bottom of some severe pain he had been having. You were the only doctor in a long list of doctors to suggest allergies, and you were able to diagnose him with several severe food allergies, including wheat and soy. His quality of life improved greatly once he quit those foods. I will forever be grateful to you for helping him.


Once the pain from his allergies went away, he realized he was dealing with more than one problem. The majority of his pain persisted. At the time we came to see you, we had already spent out of pocket more than $5,000 to figure out what was wrong on doctors, tests and procedures. And after so many doctors saying there was essentially nothing wrong, he was no longer interested in pursuing it further. He chose to live with it, and for a while, he was able to so.


Two years ago, however, the pain had intensified so much that he agreed to again try to get to the bottom of the problem. He had test after test: CT’s, x-rays, MRI’s, blood tests, and on and on. We even switched insurances this past fall so we could get a fresh look at his symptoms by a different set of doctors up at the U. Neurologists, rheumatologists, internists…the list of experts he has been to is long and varied. All of them have either told us we will never know what is wrong, or suggested his pain may be fibromyalgia. The suggestion seemed to be given as an afterthought, rather than an actual diagnosis. One doctor actually told him, “Since we can’t figure out anything else, it must be [fibromyalgia].” This has never set well with my husband because he felt like they were inferring he was somehow making it up and/or was a hypochondriac. I can assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. He hides his problems to the best of his ability from everyone, including his family. As his ability to move has decreased, however, it has become more and more noticeable to those around him. His decreased ability to hide his pain and immobility has added to his growing depression. He is typically not a depressed person, but he is tired, and very worn down. Even though I know he would never do anything to deliberately end his life, I know death is not something he fears any more, and it would be a welcome release from his misery. Considering his age, and his 5 sweet kids that are the joy of his life, I think that says a lot. He has a great attitude most of the time, and does everything he can to learn from his circumstances, but again, he is just very tired. He has made peace with the fact that he will never be cured. I am still holding out hope for a miracle, even if it’s just a little one :)


That being said, I know fibromyalgia is a very real possibility, but no one has ever given us any suggestions on how to deal with it, which is another reason we haven’t fully accepted that as a diagnosis.

He has a wonderful primary care doctor. More than a year ago, Dr. Cope prescribed Bryan Lyrica and Cymbalta. Those medications were able to ease the pain in one area, but did not touch anything else. The long list of side effects from the two medications made the limited benefits not worth it to him, so, with approval and supervision of Dr. Cope, he weaned himself from the Lyrica and is in the process of weaning off the Cymbalta.[which he is now off completely]


I know that his problems all seemed to start after a severe case of mono more than 10 years ago, and I know his pain is not in his head. I am convinced it is some type of auto-immune disease, but I do not have the expertise to back that theory up. I’ve been sweet, I’ve been mean, I’ve been laid back, I’ve been pushy…nothing has gotten us anywhere with any of his doctors (other than Dr. Cope). So I’m resorting to desperate :)

Several individuals, friends, and family members have suggested various homeopathic remedies and treatments, but that has never felt right to begin a treatment, any kind of treatment, when we don’t know what is wrong...we're afraid we could exacerbate the problem by treating him without knowing first what he is even dealing with.


After this last round of tests and doctor appointments, he has said he will not go to a doctor again, mostly because he cannot deal with one more person telling him there is “nothing wrong.” But his pain is worsening. If it keeps progressing, I do not see how he will be able to continue working more than 5 years…he is 32 right now. Without a firm diagnosis, I do not know if disability would even be possible. I am sure you can understand why this whole thing is pretty frightening to me. The constant pain is wearing him down and he is becoming increasingly despondent.  I typically would not write, but I am out of options.

I was looking on websites for auto-immune and fibromyalgia doctors in our area, and your name came up. I have done these searches before, and yet this is the first time I have seen your name. It may be a coincidence, but I felt strongly I needed to contact you. Maybe there is nothing you can do for my husband, but perhaps there is. He has a great deal of respect and gratitude for you. I believe he would agree to see you if he felt you believed in him, and if he felt there was something you could do. Again, I am not necessarily looking for a cure, but more for some relief and validation for his suffering.

My husband is a wonderful man, who does his very best to care and provide for his family. He is a hard worker that loves life. He has so much to offer, it’s awful to see him just do what he has to merely to survive.

I apologize for putting you on the spot, but I am very grateful for anything you can do for us. If you have any ideas, or feel this would be something you could help him with, please contact me. I am very grateful for any time and attention you could give to this. Thank you again for the help you have already given him.


Sincerely,


Tiffany Skelton
 
Last night, at 9:00 pm, Dr. Anderson called.  Yes, the doctor.  Not a nurse, not an aid, not even a resident.  THE doctor called.  Three months after I sent the letter, the doctor called.  And yes, Heather, this is the same Dr. Anderson you sent us to all those years ago.  Oh how we owe you :)
 
Dr. Anderson is going to a fibromyalgia conference next week where he's hoping to hear about some new ideas/techniques, and then he wants Bryan to come in to visit with him the day after he gets back! 
When I told Bryan who was on the phone, he didn't believe me.  He had found the letter I had written and read it shortly after I had mailed it, so he knew exactly what this was about when I mentioned Dr. Anderson's name.  So, I went and got the phone and showed him the caller id.  He smiled.  SMILED!!!!  He even used the word "miracle" more than once.  And that friends, is my miracle.