Conference was so awesome, wasn't it?! I thought it was going to be like watching the fireworks: a few big ones, a few small ones, a couple that really rattle your insides, and then a big finish. But if we are comparing conference to fireworks, I'd have to say it was like 2 days of grand finales. A-MAZE-ing!!! Every single talk was just incredible. They posted the mp3's within a few hours, so I went back and listened to my favorites, and to the priesthood session. Elder Oaks and President Uchtdorf's talks in the Priesthood Session really got me thinking.
I have been really confused lately, about a lot of things. I have felt overwhelmed when I think about all of the things that are starting to fall on my shoulders that I feel ridiculously inadequate and unprepared to handle. And I have caught myself wondering if planning for the future is really a good use of my time, or if I should focus more on today and just live in the moment more. And then I think how can I live in the moment and enjoy the moment when I am SO SO SO busy and just not getting to half the things that HAVE to be done, let alone all the things that I want to do (obviously I'm not too busy to blog though, ey ;)).
After listening to these two talks in particular, I won't lie, I'm still confused. BUT, the feeling that I am missing something or that we aren't trying hard enough to figure out what is wrong is mostly gone. Now I'm just left with the ever nagging question of 'what now?' I am feeling like the heavens have turned on the answering machine so to speak, but I think I know there is a reason, so, I try to be patient.
I vascilate back and forth between dreaming about "somedays" and the many wonderful adventures I have spent my whole life looking forward to and planning for, and then trying to decide how to make today a wonderful moment, independant of a future that may or may not be there. I know the right answer, I'm just having a hard time feeling it, and putting that answer into action.
But last night, and today, I gave it a valiant effort. I say that not for praise, but so that when my kids are reading this in 20 years, they will know I tried to do more than just whine about my circumstances ;)
I put my to do list away, and after conference, the kids and I went and played a killer game of kickball in a little field by our home so Bryan could rest. They won. Then last night, me and the kids had a fooseball championship...I won ;) Can I just say Liah has got some mad fooseball skills...I'm a little scare of her! ;) Then this morning, after a half-hearted effort to clean the house, I took the kids to the dollar movie...Alvin and the Chipmunks - the Squeakuel. You KNOW you want to see it hahaha. Would you believe that all 5 kids sat through the movie for the most part?! I almost wouldn't believe it, and I was there! I tried to do one thing for each of my kids that would show them that I loved them: I laughed at one of my 4 year old's stupid knock knock jokes (no, really...it was stupid :)). I cuddled my baby. I eskimo kissed my two-year old. I helped my 6 year old with her homework. And I let my 8 year old beat me at an encore fooseball game. Of course I yelled, and whined, and pouted in the middle of all that, but at least I am trying :)
I hope it's a good start.
4 comments:
You know you love your children when you laugh at nonsensical jokes. I praise your efforts! Uchtdorf's patience talk from priesthood was pretty awesome. You never know if you are just doing something wrong or if you just have to wait. We went through 3 years of trying to decide on an MBA program and just couldn't get a good feeling or any answers about it. At the absolute LAST minute it all fell into place. (Mark was sitting in a class at Weber when it hit him hard that he should be at USU, good thing their classes started later and we got our tuition back just in time.) I know that isn't nearly as serious as Bryan's health problems though. I hope you can find some answers!
You are AWESOME! I love reading your thoughts! There is something to be said about living in the moment and trying hard to just enjoy where your at...nurturing these little spirits who have come to us and letting that be my focus. Thanks for sharing! Love Ya!
Um, I think I need you to teach me parenting classes. Seriously, you're awesome. Plus I am very amazed that with 5 kids you still had time to listen to talks a second time! What an inspiration. Thanks Tiff, loved this post.
i agree wholeheartedly. all of the talks were terrific, and your thoughts are similar to mine but julie beck's talk was the one that really got me.
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