This week...or, why I'm burned out

Sorry about no pictures...I left the camera somewhere...

Monday: Vinyl guy came and put in the bathroom floor. Heating guys came and finished up. Electricians came and finished up other than hanging lights (they had to wait for us to finish painting).

Tuesday: Stucco guys came and started stuccoing and patching the house. They are only doing the new part of the house... I am going to paint the existing part in a couple of weeks to match.
The tub surround guys came and put the tub surround and bathroom countertop in.

Wednesday: Stucco guys came back and finished up.

Thursday: Paul in the meantime, has been working like a madman finishing projects big and small that I have no clue how to due in preparation for each new step we are taking. I can't do justice to what he actually does, mostly because I don't really know what it's called, but suffice it to say, it's making our home beautiful. Mike, a friend in our ward, came on an hour's notice and did our backsplash for our kitchen, and the tile around our new fireplace. It looks amazing...and he'll never know how grateful I am.

Friday: Bryan's dad went back in the hospital. It is so hard to see him like this...remembering how he used to be. We took Bryan to his last doctor's visit. Let's just say it wasn't a good day for doctors at our house.

Saturday: In the early morning hours, Liah woke me up by barfing all over my bed...just missed me :) A few minutes later, Aeden followed suit. I had about an hour to sleep after I got them taken care of to hear Zerin complaining about his stomach hurting...in a few minutes, he threw up. As I was cleaning all of the messes up, I got light headed and passed out. Never done that before...yuck! Then I felt nauseous all day (it was a good reminder for what my sis-in-law is going through right now with her pregnancy...poor Danelle!). I was completely overwhelmed and panicked. There was so much to do, I didn't know how to do half of it, I wanted so bad to be up at the hospital with Dad, but with my kids there was just no way. Not to mention I felt like crap. So off to the house to get started with barfing kids in tow I went...it was a hard morning.

I hate how I get when I am in these types of situations. First I'm sad, and I cry. Then I get angry, and I cry some more. Angry at everyone and everything. Little things that probably don't matter became huge deals, and I just wanted to disappear in a corner and not see anyone. No such luck. Everyone was around a lot of the day on and off because of Dad. I kept my mouth closed most of the day, so hopefully it didn't spill out and cause any permanent damage.

When I watched my dad and my grandma go through this, I had some influence...I was able to be of help. But there's not much need for me in this situation, and rightly so. So when I see things happening that I don't agree with (I may or may not be right) I can't handle it. I was already angry at doctors and everyone in the medical field in general...this has just exasterbated the problem.

Then, my mom showed up at my old house and started the mountain that was my laundry...and yes, I mean a literal mountain. She ended up staying until after 10 pm. She watched my kids for half the day and really lightened my load more than I can say. My sister came down after work and played with the kids. They were happy (and not barfing) when I got home...that was such a gift. Thanks Mom and Jenni for being my guardian angels!!!

In between going to the hospital, Bryan got a good chunk of the floor laid in in preparation for the carpet coming on Monday. That was a huge miracle in and of itself. We got baseboards painted with a couple coats (they probably need one or maybe two more...why did I do glossy white??? )

Paul was with us all day...he was the one thing that kept me going...knowing he was there working on a Saturday to help, saved me. We left to check on the kids at 8pm, and he was still there. He is so wonderful.

When we went to the hospital before getting the kids, it was hard. It breaks my heart to watch Bryan watch his Dad deteriorate. I know he wishes him and Dad could just be at peace, and I don't blame him. For their sakes, I wish this could all be over for both of them. I feel like I have done this so many times...watching people I love waste away until nothing is left... it's getting old.

After getting the kids settled, and one episode of the Office to put Bryan in a coma, I took off again to work on the house to have it ready for the carpet. The miracle...I got done. It took until after 3 this morning, but I got done. What a blessing.

I know I need to give credit to Heavenly Father for that, because I am sure He had a lot to do with what we were able to accomplish. I have felt very little coming back in terms of spiritual comfort, answers to prayers, or just anything from God in general lately...so I guess I just need to try harder to count the blessings that are there, that just may not be the obvious ones or the ones I want.